In space, no one can hear you get eaten by a shark.
By Kevin Corrigan, Owen Parsons & Caldwell Tanner
EXT. CAPE CANAVERAL - DAY
A peaceful Florida town. STEVE enters, already running for
his life. He sprints past several buildings, passing a brick
wall with large poster attached. Steve pauses, and backs up
to read the poster.
Poster: "Need to Get Away? Become an Astronaut! The Ultimate
Steve stares at it, thinking hard. A lasso whizzes by his
head and lands on the ground. Steve spins around. Reveal
BEAR riding a motorcycle. Shark is on the back wearing a
cowboy hat twirling a lasso.
FREEZE FRAME. TITLE CARD: BEAR-SHARK!
Steve bolts, leaving a dust cloud version of himself behind.
Shark catches the dust cloud in his lasso and then eats it.
Wide shot: Steve runs down a pathway into a giant ASTRONAUT
TRAINING CENTER. Bear and Shark follow.
Bear and Shark burst in. They find Steve furiously filling
out a form. He finishes, shoves it to the secretary and runs
down the hall. Bear and Shark go to follow. Secretary stops
him and points to a sign "Astronauts Only Beyond This
Point." Bear and Shark think for a second, then start
frantically filling out the astronaut application form. They
finish, hand it to the secretary, and bolt down the hall.
INT. PHYSICAL EXAM ROOM
Steve blows into a tube to lift a ball. PROFESSOR gives him
a thumbs up. Steve runs out.
Steve exits a room and runs into the next one as Bear and
Shark pursue him, but then go in the Physical Exam Room.
INT. PHYSICAL EXAM ROOM
Bear and Shark wear hospital gowns. PROFESSOR tests Shark's
reflexes as Bear blows into the ball/tube. Professor hits
shark's fin with his triangle thing. In response, Shark
chomps onto professor's upper half. Professor, still in
Shark's mouth, stamps approved on a piece of paper. Bear and
Shark throw off their hospital gowns and run out of the
INT. TREADMILL ROOM
Steve runs on a treadmill covered in sensors. He looks
behind him. Bear and Shark are running on a treadmill behind
Steve, they are covered in sensors. Steve finishes his run
and runs out of the room.
Steve frantically answers questions on a test. He goes to
the front of the classroom and hands it to a professor.
Professor looks at it, writes A+ and gives him a thumbs up.
Steve runs out. Bear and Shark run in the open door and take
the test. They hand it to the professor who looks at it,
writes F- and gives them a thumbs down.
Bear and Shark, wearing glasses, rush to read astronaut
Bear and Shark receive another F from professor. They menace
at him. He cowers and changes it to a D-. They're pumped.
INT. CENTRIFUGE ROOM
Steve, and Bear and Shark, are on two different centrifuges.
We see their faces crammed back by the g-forces, revealing
Shark's multiple rows of teeth. The centrifuges stop. They
resume chase, but very dizzily. Shark stops and barfs a live
cat then shrugs.
EXT. ROCKET PAD
Bear and Shark in space suits run out just in time to see
Steve's space ship lift off. Steve waves to Bear and Shark
from a window. Bear and Shark look defeated.
Steve looks out his window calmly as Earth gets smaller.
Wait, what's that? A rickety, old Cosmonaut ship putters
toward him. Bear and Shark are inside wearing Cosmonaut
space suits. They hold knives, forks, and fasten napkin bibs
with Steve's face on them. They are gaining on Steve.
Suddenly, one of Bear and Shark's rocket boosters goes out,
sending them spiraling and bumping Steve's ship. Steve looks
out the port hole and sees Bear and Shark's ship spinning
away. He's relieved, then panicked. Steve's ship disappears
through a black hole.
Steve's ship has crashed and is mangled. Steve throws the
hatch open and gets out. He limps out onto the beach. A
bunch of Bears and Sharks on horses ride toward him. Steve
turns to run but stops short. He looks up and gasps. REVEAL
a BearShark Statue of Liberty sticking out of the sand. It
is Bear holding Shark like a torch. Steve falls to his
knees. Bear's hand appears on his shoulder. Steve looks up
at Bear and Shark. To Shark's surprise, Steve stuffs himself
into Shark's mouth and pulls it closed. Bear shrugs.
FREEZE FRAME. TITLE CARD: BearShark!
TITLE CARD: Next Time on BearShark:
Steve walks out of the bathroom. He opens his closet to find
Bear and Shark. He is so startled, that he has a heart
attack and dies. Bear and Shark look confused. Bear looks at
Shark, who shrugs. They both step out of the closet and
awkwardly step over Steve.