From CH Staff on
In space, no one can hear you get eaten by a shark.
By Kevin Corrigan, Owen Parsons & Caldwell Tanner
EXT. CAPE CANAVERAL - DAY A peaceful Florida town. STEVE enters, already running for his life. He sprints past several buildings, passing a brick wall with large poster attached. Steve pauses, and backs up to read the poster. Poster: "Need to Get Away? Become an Astronaut! The Ultimate Escape!" Steve stares at it, thinking hard. A lasso whizzes by his head and lands on the ground. Steve spins around. Reveal BEAR riding a motorcycle. Shark is on the back wearing a cowboy hat twirling a lasso. FREEZE FRAME. TITLE CARD: BEAR-SHARK! Steve bolts, leaving a dust cloud version of himself behind. Shark catches the dust cloud in his lasso and then eats it. Wide shot: Steve runs down a pathway into a giant ASTRONAUT TRAINING CENTER. Bear and Shark follow. INT. LOBBY Bear and Shark burst in. They find Steve furiously filling out a form. He finishes, shoves it to the secretary and runs down the hall. Bear and Shark go to follow. Secretary stops him and points to a sign "Astronauts Only Beyond This Point." Bear and Shark think for a second, then start frantically filling out the astronaut application form. They finish, hand it to the secretary, and bolt down the hall. INT. PHYSICAL EXAM ROOM Steve blows into a tube to lift a ball. PROFESSOR gives him a thumbs up. Steve runs out. INT. HALLWAY Steve exits a room and runs into the next one as Bear and Shark pursue him, but then go in the Physical Exam Room. INT. PHYSICAL EXAM ROOM Bear and Shark wear hospital gowns. PROFESSOR tests Shark's reflexes as Bear blows into the ball/tube. Professor hits shark's fin with his triangle thing. In response, Shark chomps onto professor's upper half. Professor, still in Shark's mouth, stamps approved on a piece of paper. Bear and Shark throw off their hospital gowns and run out of the room. INT. TREADMILL ROOM Steve runs on a treadmill covered in sensors. He looks behind him. Bear and Shark are running on a treadmill behind Steve, they are covered in sensors. Steve finishes his run and runs out of the room. INT. CLASSROOM Steve frantically answers questions on a test. He goes to the front of the classroom and hands it to a professor. Professor looks at it, writes A+ and gives him a thumbs up. Steve runs out. Bear and Shark run in the open door and take the test. They hand it to the professor who looks at it, writes F- and gives them a thumbs down. INT. LIBRARY Bear and Shark, wearing glasses, rush to read astronaut books. INT. CLASSROOM Bear and Shark receive another F from professor. They menace at him. He cowers and changes it to a D-. They're pumped. INT. CENTRIFUGE ROOM Steve, and Bear and Shark, are on two different centrifuges. We see their faces crammed back by the g-forces, revealing Shark's multiple rows of teeth. The centrifuges stop. They resume chase, but very dizzily. Shark stops and barfs a live cat then shrugs. EXT. ROCKET PAD Bear and Shark in space suits run out just in time to see Steve's space ship lift off. Steve waves to Bear and Shark from a window. Bear and Shark look defeated. EXT. SPACE Steve looks out his window calmly as Earth gets smaller. Wait, what's that? A rickety, old Cosmonaut ship putters toward him. Bear and Shark are inside wearing Cosmonaut space suits. They hold knives, forks, and fasten napkin bibs with Steve's face on them. They are gaining on Steve. Suddenly, one of Bear and Shark's rocket boosters goes out, sending them spiraling and bumping Steve's ship. Steve looks out the port hole and sees Bear and Shark's ship spinning away. He's relieved, then panicked. Steve's ship disappears through a black hole. EXT. BEACH Steve's ship has crashed and is mangled. Steve throws the hatch open and gets out. He limps out onto the beach. A bunch of Bears and Sharks on horses ride toward him. Steve turns to run but stops short. He looks up and gasps. REVEAL a BearShark Statue of Liberty sticking out of the sand. It is Bear holding Shark like a torch. Steve falls to his knees. Bear's hand appears on his shoulder. Steve looks up at Bear and Shark. To Shark's surprise, Steve stuffs himself into Shark's mouth and pulls it closed. Bear shrugs. FREEZE FRAME. TITLE CARD: BearShark! TITLE CARD: Next Time on BearShark: INT. HALLWAY Steve walks out of the bathroom. He opens his closet to find Bear and Shark. He is so startled, that he has a heart attack and dies. Bear and Shark look confused. Bear looks at Shark, who shrugs. They both step out of the closet and awkwardly step over Steve.