From CH Staff on
Playtime is over for Dora in CollegeHumor's 3-part adventure series.
Check out Part 2 here!
By Ben Joseph & Patrick Cassels
EXT. DINGY BAR - ESTABLISHING LOWER THIRD: BOGOTA, COLOMBIA ANGLE ON a SPANISH SIGN, SUB-TITLED as "The Devil's Vengeance Bar & Froyo Stand." INT. BAR A FIGURE approaches the bartender. (NOTE: We only see him in silhouette.) He hands him a photo. FIGURE (sub-titled Spanish) I'm looking for a girl. An explorer. The bartender nods to the back corner of the bar. PAN TO: A rowdy CROWD stands behind a LARGE THUG. The thug, clearly drunk, takes a shot of whiskey. The crowd CHEERS. Money and a CHICKEN change hands. REVEAL: DORA is across from him. She smiles and raises a JUICE BOX into frame. Takes it down like a shot, crushes it, and throws it over her shoulder. The crowd cheers LOUDER. Money and a BABY change hands. The thug, drunk and beaten, collapses. Dora picks up all the money from the table and prepares to exit. DORA It's been a pleasure, amigos. (helpful, to camera)) That's Spanish for friends. I'm using it sarcastically. She starts to exit, but a second THUG stands in her way. DORA You're going to want to let go of my hand. THUG 2 You're not leaving with that money. Dora smiles cutely, then FLIPS thug 2 onto the table. Two more thugs charge her, but she punches each of them out. WHAM! BAM! She turns around to run and finds herself face to face with a LARGE THUG with a knife. DORA (nervous laugh) You know, you shouldn't use knives without your parent's permission. The thug approaches her when WHAM! The shadowy figure from before, now revealed as DIEGO, punches the large thug. DORA Diego. What the hell do you want? DIEGO You disappeared, Dora. I was worried about you. A large thug approaches Dora. He takes two large swings, they go WAY over Dora's head without her even ducking. Dora uppercuts him, he flies back onto a table, BREAKING IT. Dora and Diego banter back-and-forth as they fight the thugs: DORA I haven't needed a babysitter since the third grade. DIEGO That was last year! A BRAZILIAN MARTIAL ARTIST jumps in front of Diego, points, and ferociously punches and kicks the air in an impressive display. Diego, tense at first, realizes the fighter isn't actually attacking, and awkwardly scooches past him. He and Dora are now BACK TO BACK and fighting. DIEGO Look, it's Swiper, OK? He's working with the Iranians now. BAM. The both punch out the last two thugs they're fighting simultaneously. Dora takes a breath. DORA And now you need an explorer. Too bad. You know I'm out of the game. Dora starts to walk away. DIEGO Dora, they're after the Destiny Medallion! They've already swiped the first half. Dora stops. From her face we can tell this Medallion is something she wants or fears. Maybe both. DORA But the No-Swiping Treaty of 1979- DIEGO You think Ahmadinejad gives a shit about that? Dora turns and walks back. Diego tosses some DOCUMENTS onto the table. On the top is a picture of SWIPER with close-ups of him holding a broken of half of the Destiny Medallion. DIEGO Admit it. All your exploring: The quest for the little blue train. The lost baby frog. The bullet that killed Hitler. This Destiny Medallion means more to you than all those combined. Dora thinks for a second. Then, HEROIC MUSIC rises and we PUSH IN on her: DORA I'll do it. But not for you, and not for the medallion. Someone needs to remind that bastard what he does is not OK. Someone needs to look him in the eye and say, "Swiper... No Swiping." Dora reaches for the documents. Diego pulls them back. DIEGO One condition. I'm your partner. A loud CLICK. Dora and Diego spin. One final thug has recovered and now has a GUN trained on them! THUG 2 End of the road, explorers. Diego freezes, but Dora just WHISTLES. BLAM! Diego flinches, but blood fills the thug's mouth. He falls forward to reveal, holding a gun, BOOTS THE MONKEY! DORA (smiling) Sorry, Diego, I already have a partner. Boots runs up onto Dora's shoulder. DORA (with a chuckle) But you can tag along if you want. She runs out the door. Diego smiles. Who is this girl? He runs to follow her. PAN ACROSS the bar to an IRANIAN SPY in the corner sipping a drink. He pulls out his cell-phone. IRANIAN SPY (sub-titled Arabic) She's taken the bait. In an OMINOUS PULL OUT, we reveal the Brazilian Martial Artist still punching and kicking the air. BARTENDER (to Martial Artist) Sorry, if you're not going to order something you gotta go, man. END OF PART 1