Two kids, BOBBY AND SANDY, follow a rainbow.
Whoa! A rainbow!
They get sucked up into the rainbow and ride it like a
slide. They pass a sign reading "Boston" and are deposited
on a shitty wood porch with a bowl of cereal. Sandy runs up
and pick it up.
MICKEY THE MASSHOLE appears. He's a magical masshole in a
green tuxedo t-shirt, backwards Red Sox cap, and magic cargo
What the hell are you kids doing?
You see some cereal on the porch
and you gonna eat it? Screw!
Mickey's mom yells down from the second story.
Tell the kids about the cereal
MA! GO BACK INSIDE!
(turns to the kids)
I'm Mickey The Masshole and these
are my Boston Chahms.
Mickey shakes up a Sam Adams and pops the top. The beer
fountain propels them through a cartoonified Boston. It's
St. Patrick's Day. In the background two Massholes are in a
vicious fist-fight. The kids look nervous.
Boston Chahms is full of sick nasty
marshmallows and some oat shit!
In the background, they pass a girl in a pink Red Sox cap
peeing in the middle of the street and two old gross people
in St. Patrick's Day gear making out. The charms appear as
platforms at the end of the beer fountain. As he rattles
them off, Mickey and the kids jump from one charm to
Chowdah, Sox and Wahlbergs a hand
flipping the bird, pints of Samuel
(breaking the meter)
and Jeter suckin' A-Rod's dick!
Stop lookin' at his dick, ya
Two bowls appear in the kids' hands. A gallon of milk
magically appears and pours into their cereal.
(looking into it)
The milk is turning brown!
That's because Boston Chahms turns
milk to Jameson!
CU of a kitchen table with Boston Charms next to a side of
beans, a pint of Guinness, and a pile of Boston Creme
Boston Chahms is part of a wicked
balanced breakfast. And it's motha
REVEAL ERIN, Mickey's baby mama, breast feeding a baby.
Mickey and the kids are with her in the kitchen.
Fuck you, Mickey! Pay your child
support, you lazy piece of shit!
Mickey grabs the pint of Guinness and smashes it against the
wall. The kids are really scared.
Shut the fuck up, Erin! You fuck me
one time in the Fenway bathroom and
you think you own me! I'm out of
He escapes on a rainbow. Bobby and Sandy follow, but the
rainbow is gone.
Mickey sings to camera.
That's me Boston Chahms.
They're wickedly delicious!
MICKEY'S MOM (O.S.)
Mickey, sing the song!
I JUST SANG THE SONG MA!