Disney Princess Spring Breakers Trailer

By

Josh Ruben & Paul Briganti

          A parody of the sexy, fast-paced, high-octane "Spring
          Breakers" trailer.

          BRIEF FLASHES from the original "Spring Breakers" trailer.

                              NARRATOR (V.O.)
                    This summer, former Disney Channel 
                    stars let loose in Spring Breakers.
                         (beat)
                    Next summer, former Disney
                    princesses let looser.

          INT. CINDERELLA'S BEDROOM - DAY

          CINDERELLA sleeps peacefully. After a moment, SMASH CUT to
          reveal SNOW WHITE, JASMINE and ARIEL standing over her.

                              SNOW WHITE
                    Wake up, slut! We're going to the
                    ball!

                              SNOW WHITE (V.O.)
                    I'm sick of hanging out with a
                    bunch of midgets.

                              JASMINE (V.O.)
                    My only friend is a fucking tiger.

                              CINDERELLA (V.O.)
                         (to Ariel)
                    Why do you want thingamabobs? You
                    got twenty.

                              ARIEL (V.O.)
                    Who cares? No big deal, I want
                    MORE.

          Back to CINDERELLA'S ROOM:

                              CINDERELLA
                         (rubbing her eyes)
                    But... we don't have any money.

                              JASMINE
                    Let's rob your bitch stepmother.
          COOL MUSIC KICKS IN...

          INT. CINDERELLA'S STEPMOTHER'S ROOM - NIGHT

          STEPMOTHER is on her PHONE.

          The princesses BREAK DOWN THE DOOR, wearing SNOW WHITE WITCH
          MASKS.

          QUICK CUTS: Ariel bitch-slaps Stepmother with her fin.
          Jasmine orders her magic carpet to wrap itself around
          Stepmother, "tying her up." Snow White whistles "Whistle
          While You Work" while she trashes the room.

          EXT. STREET

          The four princesses CELEBRATE while riding in a PUMPKIN
          CARRIAGE - screaming ("Whoo!"), leaning out the doors,
          standing up through the convertible pumpkin roof, drinking.

          INT. CINDERELLA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

          Cinderella's NAKED BACK to us. Two ANIMATED BIRDS fly her
          BIKINI TOP onto her, dressing her.

          EXT. POOL

          A RAGING PARTY. Lots of young people in bathing suits. GENIE
          (a ghetto version of the Genie from Aladdin, with a grill)
          MCs. He holds up his MAGIC LAMP.

                              GENIE
                    We got a magic lamp, y'all!

          He rubs the lamp and a KEG magically appears. CHEERS.

                              GENIE
                    You get three wishes, y'all!

          QUICK CUTS: The princesses GRIND with MAGIC DANCING BROOMS,
          GASTON thrusts his crotch on a dance platform.

                              GENIE
                    Ball gowns and big booties y'all
                    that's what life is about!

          INT. SENOR FROG'S BAR

          Snow White sexily feeds Jasmine a POISON APPLE.

                              SNOW WHITE (V.O.)
                    If you eat a poison apple it will
                    kill you. But if you just take a
                    bite, it'll fuck you up!

          SMASH CUT: Jasmine TRIPS BALLS (angled camera; weird
          colors).

          MUSIC turns ABRUPTLY DRAMATIC.

          EXT. STREET - NIGHT

          Police sirens sound. The princesses are getting handcuffed
          by POLICE OFFICERS.

          EXT. ROYAL COURT (PARKING LOT)

          The bikini-clad princesses stand with the smirking Genie.

                              JASMINE
                    Why are you helping us?

                              GENIE
                    A mirror told me y'all was the
                    fairest of them all.

          A beat - the girls look at each other, excited.

          INT. SENOR FROG'S BAR

          QUICK CUTS: The princesses PARTY, making out with their
          PRINCES, triple-kissing with SEBASTIAN THE CRAB.

                              GENIE (V.O.)
                         (almost creepy)
                    Means no worries... for the rest of
                    yo' days.

          EXT. POOL - NIGHT

          The princesses stand with Genie, holding wands.

                              GENIE
                    BIPPITY BOPPITY BOO, BITCHES!

          They FIRE THEIR WANDS like BRUTAL MACHINE GUNS into the air.

          MUSIC KICKS IN: A SKRILLEX DUBSTEP RENDITION OF "A WHOLE NEW
          WORLD."

          PINK FAIRY DUST TITLE CARDS begin to pop up between scenes,
          each in the classic DISNEY FONT. FIRST TITLE: "Genie"

          INT. SENOR FROG'S BAR

          Genie takes a drag of a cigarette.

                              GENIE
                    Killing ten bank tellers will give
                    you such a crick in the neck.

          TITLE CARD: "Cinderella"

          INT. BLACK LIGHT CLUB

          THE PRINCE places a GLASS SLIPPER on Cinderella's foot.

                              PRINCE
                    Wear this... and only this.

          TITLE CARD: "Ariel"

          INT. BEDROOM

          Ariel lies on a bed and looks at PRINCE ERIC seductively.

                              ARIEL
                    Darling it's better, down where
                    it's wetter... under the sheets.

          TITLE CARD: "Jasmine"

          INT. KITCHEN AREA

          Jasmine offers a PILL to the other princesses.

                              JASMINE
                    This'll make you see the colors of
                    the wind.

          TITLE CARD: "Snow White"

          EXT. HOTEL DECK - NIGHT

          The princesses look off the balcony.

                              SNOW WHITE (O.S.)
                    We're gonna live happily ever
                    after, bitches.

          TITLE: "DISNEY'S SPRING BREAKERS"

          EXT. BURGER SHOP

          The princesses are lounging, holding bottles of MALT LIQUOR
          and drunkenly singing "UNDER THE SEA."

                              ALL PRINCESSES
                    The newt play the flute, the carp
                    play the harp, the plaice play the
                    bass, and they soundin' sharp / The
                    bass play the brass, the chub play
                    the tub, the fluke is the duke of
                    soul - YEAH.

          They all laugh.

                              JASMINE
                    Hey guys, check this out.

          Jasmine KICKS THE DIRT IN FRONT OF HER. The dust rises into
          the air and forms the letters "S-E-X." They all LAUGH.

          TITLE smashes onto screen: "RATED G."

          END.