What happens in the Magic Kingdom, stays in the Magic Kingdom. Starring Abby Elliott, Kelen Coleman, Galadriel Stineman and Amber Stevens.
By Josh Ruben & Paul Briganti
A parody of the sexy, fast-paced, high-octane "Spring Breakers" trailer. BRIEF FLASHES from the original "Spring Breakers" trailer. NARRATOR (V.O.) This summer, former Disney Channel stars let loose in Spring Breakers. (beat) Next summer, former Disney princesses let looser. INT. CINDERELLA'S BEDROOM - DAY CINDERELLA sleeps peacefully. After a moment, SMASH CUT to reveal SNOW WHITE, JASMINE and ARIEL standing over her. SNOW WHITE Wake up, slut! We're going to the ball! SNOW WHITE (V.O.) I'm sick of hanging out with a bunch of midgets. JASMINE (V.O.) My only friend is a fucking tiger. CINDERELLA (V.O.) (to Ariel) Why do you want thingamabobs? You got twenty. ARIEL (V.O.) Who cares? No big deal, I want MORE. Back to CINDERELLA'S ROOM: CINDERELLA (rubbing her eyes) But... we don't have any money. JASMINE Let's rob your bitch stepmother. COOL MUSIC KICKS IN... INT. CINDERELLA'S STEPMOTHER'S ROOM - NIGHT STEPMOTHER is on her PHONE. The princesses BREAK DOWN THE DOOR, wearing SNOW WHITE WITCH MASKS. QUICK CUTS: Ariel bitch-slaps Stepmother with her fin. Jasmine orders her magic carpet to wrap itself around Stepmother, "tying her up." Snow White whistles "Whistle While You Work" while she trashes the room. EXT. STREET The four princesses CELEBRATE while riding in a PUMPKIN CARRIAGE - screaming ("Whoo!"), leaning out the doors, standing up through the convertible pumpkin roof, drinking. INT. CINDERELLA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Cinderella's NAKED BACK to us. Two ANIMATED BIRDS fly her BIKINI TOP onto her, dressing her. EXT. POOL A RAGING PARTY. Lots of young people in bathing suits. GENIE (a ghetto version of the Genie from Aladdin, with a grill) MCs. He holds up his MAGIC LAMP. GENIE We got a magic lamp, y'all! He rubs the lamp and a KEG magically appears. CHEERS. GENIE You get three wishes, y'all! QUICK CUTS: The princesses GRIND with MAGIC DANCING BROOMS, GASTON thrusts his crotch on a dance platform. GENIE Ball gowns and big booties y'all that's what life is about! INT. SENOR FROG'S BAR Snow White sexily feeds Jasmine a POISON APPLE. SNOW WHITE (V.O.) If you eat a poison apple it will kill you. But if you just take a bite, it'll fuck you up! SMASH CUT: Jasmine TRIPS BALLS (angled camera; weird colors). MUSIC turns ABRUPTLY DRAMATIC. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Police sirens sound. The princesses are getting handcuffed by POLICE OFFICERS. EXT. ROYAL COURT (PARKING LOT) The bikini-clad princesses stand with the smirking Genie. JASMINE Why are you helping us? GENIE A mirror told me y'all was the fairest of them all. A beat - the girls look at each other, excited. INT. SENOR FROG'S BAR QUICK CUTS: The princesses PARTY, making out with their PRINCES, triple-kissing with SEBASTIAN THE CRAB. GENIE (V.O.) (almost creepy) Means no worries... for the rest of yo' days. EXT. POOL - NIGHT The princesses stand with Genie, holding wands. GENIE BIPPITY BOPPITY BOO, BITCHES! They FIRE THEIR WANDS like BRUTAL MACHINE GUNS into the air. MUSIC KICKS IN: A SKRILLEX DUBSTEP RENDITION OF "A WHOLE NEW WORLD." PINK FAIRY DUST TITLE CARDS begin to pop up between scenes, each in the classic DISNEY FONT. FIRST TITLE: "Genie" INT. SENOR FROG'S BAR Genie takes a drag of a cigarette. GENIE Killing ten bank tellers will give you such a crick in the neck. TITLE CARD: "Cinderella" INT. BLACK LIGHT CLUB THE PRINCE places a GLASS SLIPPER on Cinderella's foot. PRINCE Wear this... and only this. TITLE CARD: "Ariel" INT. BEDROOM Ariel lies on a bed and looks at PRINCE ERIC seductively. ARIEL Darling it's better, down where it's wetter... under the sheets. TITLE CARD: "Jasmine" INT. KITCHEN AREA Jasmine offers a PILL to the other princesses. JASMINE This'll make you see the colors of the wind. TITLE CARD: "Snow White" EXT. HOTEL DECK - NIGHT The princesses look off the balcony. SNOW WHITE (O.S.) We're gonna live happily ever after, bitches. TITLE: "DISNEY'S SPRING BREAKERS" EXT. BURGER SHOP The princesses are lounging, holding bottles of MALT LIQUOR and drunkenly singing "UNDER THE SEA." ALL PRINCESSES The newt play the flute, the carp play the harp, the plaice play the bass, and they soundin' sharp / The bass play the brass, the chub play the tub, the fluke is the duke of soul - YEAH. They all laugh. JASMINE Hey guys, check this out. Jasmine KICKS THE DIRT IN FRONT OF HER. The dust rises into the air and forms the letters "S-E-X." They all LAUGH. TITLE smashes onto screen: "RATED G." END.