From CH Staff on
Pat & Street's new prank show has a great catchphrase. And little else.
By Patrick Cassels
INT. OFFICE -- EMILY'S DESK EMILY arrives at her desk. Her computer is BACKWARDS. EMILY What in the world? My desk is... backwards. PAT/STREET (OC) AW, GIRL! AW, GIRL! PAT and STREET pop out. They're followed by Anu, filming with a camcorder. Pat & Street flank Emily. Fun music plays. STREET Emily, you've been Clowned Out! Anu pops out from behind the camcorder. ANU Clowned Out, girl! Emily laughs. She's excited, if a little bit embarrassed. EMILY Ohmigod! Is this for real happening?! I love you guys! PAT (points to camcorder) Emily, Emily, we got a little tradtion here on Clowned Out. Look at the camera and say, "My name's Emily Axford and I got Clowned Out." EMILY (to camcorder) My name's Emily Axford and I got Clowned Out. Pat and Street cheer. ANU (from behind camcorder) Girl got Clowned Out! Street hands a sombrero to Emily. STREET Now put on the Sombrero and say it. Emily puts the sombrero on and shrugs. EMILY My name's Emily Axford and I got Clowned Out. Pat quickly puts a red clown nose on her. PAT Now say it and honk the nose. EMILY My name's Emily Axford and I got Clowned Out. She honks the nose. For some reason it makes a quack noise. ANU Clowned Out! End of story! Street points OC. Slight right PAN to Owen. STREET Now tell him. EMILY (to Owen) My name's Emily Axford and I got clowned out. OWEN (thrilled) WHAT?! Slight left PAN to Murph. PAT Now tell him. EMILY My name's Emily Axford and I got clowned out. MURPH Honk the nose! She does. STREET Now lease a billboard that says you got Clowned Out. EMILY Done. PAN to the window, a billboard magically reads "I'M EMILY AXFORD AND I GOT CLOWNED OUT." (It looks like a law firm ad. With Emily's face very serious, etc.) PAT Now meditate on what just happened until you truly realize you've been Clowned Out! EMILY (thinks hard; nods) Mm. Okay. Yes. I got clowned out. ANU Yeah you did! STREET Okay, okay, now call your dad here and tell him you got clowned out. CUT TO Emily at another desk, on the phone, alone. She's still wearing the sombrero and clown nose. EMILY (into phone) Hey, mom... I'm good... Is dad there?... Dad, hey, I got clowned out... Love you too... Yeah I'll see you at the thing... Bye. SMASH back to Emily's desk. Pat, Street, and Anu go nuts. ANU Clowned Out! PAT Okay, now do the forward tumble, smell the flower, shoot the mailman, jump up and say it in Spanish. Emily does just this, including shooting a MAILMAN. EMILY (out of breat) MI NOMBRE ES EMILY AXFORD Y YO ESTABA "CLOWNED OUT!" Pat, Anu and Street stare at Emily, concerned. EMILY Oh. She honks the nose. They go fucking nuts. END.