The world-renowned basketball superstar teams up with Dennis Rodman.
By Ben Joseph
KIM JONG UN wheelies a motorcyle through frame, leaving the TITLE CARD behind him: THE ADVENTURES OF KIM JONG UN. SINGER Kim Jong Un! Kim Jong Un. INT. BASKETBALL STADIUM Kim Jong Un, in a jersey with a North Korean flag on it, dribbles down the court. Two players in bland, grey uniforms try to stop him, but he throws a perfect fade-away shot and they trip over their own feet. WHOOSH! The ball goes in. ANNOUNCER And Kim Jong Un wins the Korea-ball championship once again! CHEERING. The Robot Minister hands KJU a large trophy. ANNOUNCER (CONT'D) Truly he is the best at this sport invented in Korea, then stolen by craven, uncreative Westerners. The stadium SHAKES. A SPACESHIP crashes through the ceiling and lands center court. YAO MING and four ALIENS step out. YAO MING KIM JONG UN! I, Yao Ming, and also these aliens, challenge you to a ball game! Accept or bring great shame to all of True Korea! Kim Jong Un nods. Yao Ming leans in close to him. YAO MING (CONT'D) Assemble your best players and let the game begin. Kim Jong Un focuses and splits into FOUR DIFFERENT PLAYERS. (They all have slightly different facial hair, one is bald and black.) As this happens, the Robot Minister explains: ROBOT MINISTER (V.O.) Kim Jong Un, as shown in earlier episodes, can split into four equally powerful Kim Jong Uns. THIS IS NOW CANON! YAO MING (unfazed) An impressive trick, but you are still one player short! DENNIS RODMAN (O.S.) How about me? REVEAL, holding a basketball: DENNIS RODMAN! ROBOT MINISTER GASP) Denzel Rodman! Award-winning actor and Korea-ball player! DENNIS RODMAN Man, Kim Jong Un and I have had so many crazy adventures together, I just had to help a brother out. As he talks, we see posters for DOUBLE-TEAM, SIMON SEZ, (Dennis Rodman movies) and TRAINING DAY, all with KIM JONG UN'S FACE pasted on the supporting actor's face. LOLA BUNNY (O.S.) So... I guess there's no spot for me on the team then, huh? In a SEXY (creepy?) PAN UP, we reveal LOLA BUNNY from the movie SPACE JAM. All the Kim Jong Un's jaws DROP. The original Kim Jong Un, without turning his head, raises a pistol and SHOOTS one of the other Kim Jong Uns in the face. INT. BASKETBALL STADIUM An INTENSE JOCK JAM plays. PAN ACROSS three Kim Jong Uns, Rodman, and Lola Bunny as they face off against Yao Ming and his team. DENNIS RODMAN All right, buddy, LET'S DO THIS! Kim Jong Un nods. As he and Yao Ming go up for the tip off, STATIC CUT TO a SIMPLE TITLE CARD. A NARRATOR reads it: NARRATOR Kim Jong Un judged the animator's depiction of his Korea-ball skills unsatisfactory. Their deaths were swift and voluntary. NEW TITLE CARD: NARRATOR (CONT'D) He decided, in his infinite wisdom, to animate the sequence himself- ABRUPT CUT TO VERY CRUDE STICK FIGURE ANIMATION. (Each shot should literally be 2-3 frames. ) KIM JONG UN (V.O.)
- Kim Jong Un dribbles a ball. Yao Ming has DEVIL HORNS. - Kim Jong Un passes to Dennis Rodman. KIM JONG UN (V.O.) (stops humming) "You are my main man, Kim Jong Un!" - Kim Jong Un jumps over Yao Ming's head. Dennis Rodman passes back to him. -Kim Jong Un SLAM DUNKS the ball! Yao Ming's head explodes and he poops himself in amazement at the same time. KIM JONG UN (V.O.) (his own theme song) Kim Jong Un! Kim Jong Un. - Lola Bunny runs up and KISSES Kim Jong Un. Dennis Rodman gives him a HIGH FIVE. A speech bubble over the two other Kim Jong Uns says "We're leaving now," and they walk off. BLINKING RED LOWER THIRD: HOME VIEWERS: COMMENCE APPLAUSE NOW STATIC CUT BACK TO REGULAR ANIMATION: Dennis Rodman, Kim Jong Un, and Lola Bunny stand triumphant, when the HEADLESS CORPSE of Yao Ming pulls itself to its feet. YAO MING This isn't over Kim Jong Un! ALIEN ALLIES! TO ME! The aliens leap onto Yao Ming in rapid secession. They GLOW and congeal into a GIANT, HORRIBLE AKIRA-TYPE BLOB MONSTER! SCREAMS OF HORROR from the stands. Kim Jong Un just stands his ground. Dennis Rodman runs up behind him. DENNIS RODMAN Yo, Kim Jong Un, onto my shoulders! Just as your father would have carried you, was he not so busy with important state matters! Kim Jong Un nods. He hops on Rodman's shoulders. Dennis Rodman JUMPS and they fly into the sky. ANGLE ON Lola Bunny, holding a GLOWING BASKETBALL. LOLA BUNNY This ball is charged with my undying affection for you! Lola Bunny throws Kim Jong Un the ball. He SLAM DUNKS it into the Yao Ming-monster's mouth. RAYS OF LIGHT shoot out from its body. Cut in CLOSE as a SINGLE TEAR forms in its eyes: YAO MING (with regret) I searched both China and America... But the true Korea-ball master... Was here all along... BOOM! The monster explodes. Denzel Rodman lands back on the court, Kim Jong Un still on his shoulders. DENZEL RODMAN Wooo-eee! That was one crazy adventure, huh? How 'bout some ice cream? Kim Jong Un nods. That would be nice. PLEASANT MUSIC plays as they run off, then suddenly... BLAM BLAM BLAM! SNIPER BULLETS take out both KJU and Rodman. They collapse. WHIP TO, high in the stands, KIM JONG IL looking through a sniper rifle! He moves his eye from the scope, and reveal, with a dramatic sting, his face to be half CYBORG! GASP! ROLL CREDITS over an ALBUM COVER of Kim Jong Un and Dennis Rodman rapping together. DENNIS RODMAN (rapped) Another adventure has reached its end / Kim Jong Un is my best friend / Kim Jong Un is my best friend- (no lip sync) -oh God please rescue me. END.