Run fast, die old.
By Kevin Corrigan, Caldwell Tanner & Owen Parsons
INT. NURSING HOME - HALLWAY Note: Action in this script should be deliberately slow, contrasted by exciting bombastic music. STEVE, 90s, hobbles slowly down the hall with a cane. REVEAL BEAR and SHARK, also elderly, are following 10 feet behind at a similar pace. Bear and Shark both use walkers with tennis balls on the legs. Bear wears old man pants and has a gray beard. Shark wears a sweater and cap. Bear shakes his fist angrily at STEVE. FREEZE FRAME. TITLE CARD: BearShark! Unfreeze. Chase resumes. INT. NURSING HOME - VARIOUS The chase continues as we cycle through backgrounds and day turns to night. -A game room as people play cards -A courtyard as people play shuffle board. Music cuts out. Everyone stops to catch their breath. Beat. Chase resumes -A TV room as people watch Jeopardy CUT TO: INT. COMFY ARMCHAIR ROOM - NIGHT We start on an insert of an analogue clock. The time is 8:00. REVEAL Bear, Shark and Steve are fast asleep in easy chairs. Fade transition to 6:00 am. Bear, Shark and Steve slowly wake up, stretch and the chase SUDDENLY resumes. INT. STAIRWAY Steve rides a stair lift down the stairs, followed by Bear and Shark. Shark sits on Bear's lap on another stair lift. INT. HALLWAY Orderlies wait for Steve and Bear with wheelchairs next to a rascal scooter. Steve and Bear get in the wheelchairs. Shark gets on the rascal scooter. They take off down the hall for a short high-speed burst. A bell rings and they detour into the dining room. CUT TO: INT. DINING ROOM Steve, Bear and Shark eat breakfast. INT. COUNTER AREA Steve waits in line for his pills. Steve is handed a pill bottle by an orderly, who is clearly Bear in disguise. Steve opens the bottle. Shark starts to burst from it, but his paunch gets stuck and he must pulls himself out of it. Shark gums Steve, only to realize he's forgotten his teeth. CUT TO: On Shark's night stand, an enormous glass of water holds his false teeth, which have tons of teeth. Back to counter area. Steve laughs at him. Shark trudges off. INT. REC ROOM Steve is playing Scrabble against GRANDSON STEVE. Steve lays down the word "Galeophobia." Bear and Shark rise up behind him, smiling menacingly. They raise their arms to grab Steve, but something smacks each of them in the hip. They look down to find GRANDSON SHARK and GRANDDAUGHTER BEAR hugging them. All kids are around 8-years-old. Grandson Shark is brace-faced and freckled. Bear and Shark are overjoyed! CUT TO: One shot: Steve reads a survival skills book to Grandson Steve. Behind them, camera follows Shark playfully chasing Grandson Shark across the room. Camera lands on Bear and his granddaughter. Bear pulls Steve out from behind her ear. She looks delighted. Steve is surprised and confused. EXT. NURSING HOME Steve, Bear and Shark stand outside the door, hugging their grand kids. Bear, Shark and Steve all stand together and wave lovingly as the kids run off. Camera follows the kids. Grandson Steve runs in front, arms in the air and fleeing, as the Bear and Shark grand kids chase him. They all run into a minivan. Back to the grandparents. Bear and Shark are waving. Steve is absent, though his shoes are on the ground. Beat. Shark's mouth pops open and Steve's head and arm stick out as he smiles and waves. Bear nonchalantly shoves Steve back down and Shark closes his mouth. Bear and Shark continue to wave. The minivan drives off. INT. MINIVAN In the back row, Grandson Steve is sitting between the Bear and Shark grandkids. They all wear seat belts. They all look content for a beat, then Bear and Shark Grandkids adorably try to bite/grab Steve Grandson. The belts prevent them from reaching. FREEZE FRAME. TITLE CARD: BearShark! TITLE CARD: Next time on BearShark EXT. ROLLERCOASTER Bear and Shark get off a super-twisty Rollercoaster. Both are dizzy. Shark feels sick. He clutches his stomach, then barfs an intact bucket of popcorn. Shark then barfs an intact POPCORN STAND with a very confused Steve working it in uniform.