Run fast, die old.
By Kevin Corrigan, Caldwell Tanner & Owen Parsons
INT. NURSING HOME - HALLWAY
Note: Action in this script should be deliberately slow,
contrasted by exciting bombastic music.
STEVE, 90s, hobbles slowly down the hall with a cane. REVEAL
BEAR and SHARK, also elderly, are following 10 feet behind
at a similar pace. Bear and Shark both use walkers with
tennis balls on the legs. Bear wears old man pants and has a
gray beard. Shark wears a sweater and cap. Bear shakes his
fist angrily at STEVE.
FREEZE FRAME. TITLE CARD: BearShark!
Unfreeze. Chase resumes.
INT. NURSING HOME - VARIOUS
The chase continues as we cycle through backgrounds and day
turns to night. -A game room as people play cards -A
courtyard as people play shuffle board. Music cuts out.
Everyone stops to catch their breath. Beat. Chase resumes -A
TV room as people watch Jeopardy
INT. COMFY ARMCHAIR ROOM - NIGHT
We start on an insert of an analogue clock. The time is
8:00. REVEAL Bear, Shark and Steve are fast asleep in easy
chairs. Fade transition to 6:00 am. Bear, Shark and Steve
slowly wake up, stretch and the chase SUDDENLY resumes.
Steve rides a stair lift down the stairs, followed by Bear
and Shark. Shark sits on Bear's lap on another stair lift.
Orderlies wait for Steve and Bear with wheelchairs next to a
rascal scooter. Steve and Bear get in the wheelchairs. Shark
gets on the rascal scooter. They take off down the hall for
a short high-speed burst. A bell rings and they detour into
the dining room.
INT. DINING ROOM
Steve, Bear and Shark eat breakfast.
INT. COUNTER AREA
Steve waits in line for his pills. Steve is handed a pill
bottle by an orderly, who is clearly Bear in disguise. Steve
opens the bottle. Shark starts to burst from it, but his
paunch gets stuck and he must pulls himself out of it. Shark
gums Steve, only to realize he's forgotten his teeth.
On Shark's night stand, an enormous glass of water holds his
false teeth, which have tons of teeth.
Back to counter area. Steve laughs at him. Shark trudges
INT. REC ROOM
Steve is playing Scrabble against GRANDSON STEVE. Steve lays
down the word "Galeophobia." Bear and Shark rise up behind
him, smiling menacingly. They raise their arms to grab
Steve, but something smacks each of them in the hip. They
look down to find GRANDSON SHARK and GRANDDAUGHTER BEAR
hugging them. All kids are around 8-years-old. Grandson
Shark is brace-faced and freckled. Bear and Shark are
One shot: Steve reads a survival skills book to Grandson
Steve. Behind them, camera follows Shark playfully chasing
Grandson Shark across the room. Camera lands on Bear and his
granddaughter. Bear pulls Steve out from behind her ear. She
looks delighted. Steve is surprised and confused.
EXT. NURSING HOME
Steve, Bear and Shark stand outside the door, hugging their
grand kids. Bear, Shark and Steve all stand together and
wave lovingly as the kids run off. Camera follows the kids.
Grandson Steve runs in front, arms in the air and fleeing,
as the Bear and Shark grand kids chase him. They all run
into a minivan.
Back to the grandparents. Bear and Shark are waving. Steve
is absent, though his shoes are on the ground. Beat. Shark's
mouth pops open and Steve's head and arm stick out as he
smiles and waves. Bear nonchalantly shoves Steve back down
and Shark closes his mouth. Bear and Shark continue to wave.
The minivan drives off.
In the back row, Grandson Steve is sitting between the Bear
and Shark grandkids. They all wear seat belts. They all look
content for a beat, then Bear and Shark Grandkids adorably
try to bite/grab Steve Grandson. The belts prevent them from
FREEZE FRAME. TITLE CARD: BearShark!
TITLE CARD: Next time on BearShark
Bear and Shark get off a super-twisty Rollercoaster. Both
are dizzy. Shark feels sick. He clutches his stomach, then
barfs an intact bucket of popcorn. Shark then barfs an
intact POPCORN STAND with a very confused Steve working it