From CH Staff on
Bodyguard and Mary-Kate's relationship takes a turn for the staticky.
By Elaine Carroll & Sam Reich
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT BODYGUARD knocks on MARY-KATE's door for a change. Mary-Kate answers. MARY-KATE (groggily) Bodyguard? BODYGUARD Mary-Kate. MARY-KATE Bodyguard, it's three in the morning. BODYGUARD I know that. Why do you keep calling me? MARY-KATE Calling you? Bodyguard shows her his phone. BODYGUARD 387 missed calls since midnight. MARY-KATE Ohhh. I couldn't find my phone, so I was calling myself to find it. I forgot that my calls forward to you if I don't pick up. BODYGUARD Wait: calling yourself? Then... what were you calling yourself with? Mary-Kate realizes she's holding her phone in her hand. MARY-KATE Oh my God. 404 this brain does not exist! It's like when you forget your glasses are on your face, or your keys are in your hand, or you're like- (she does a riding motion) -where's my horse, where's my horse? BODYGUARD So you couldn't find your phone, you panicked, and you called it 387 times? MARY-KATE Psht, I wasn't panicked. BODYGUARD Really? Bodyguard plays his voicemail. MARY-KATE (VOICEMAIL) AHHHHH! (big crash) WHERE'S MY PHONE?! (big crash) WHERE'S MY PHOOOOONE?! (big crash) IT'S NOT IN ANY OF THESE VASES! MARY-KATE By the by, does the maid come tomorrow? BODYGUARD No more calls? MARY-KATE No more calls. Bodyguard turns to leave and immediately gets a call. He answers it slowly and sternly, not breaking eye contact with Mary-Kate. BODYGUARD Hello? MARY-KATE Hey, what do you think of hats for hands, or is that pretty much gloves? BODYGUARD Mary-Kate, stop calling me. MARY-KATE What was that? You're going in and out. BODYGUARD STOP. CALLING. ME. MARY-KATE This is a really bad connection. I'll just call you back later. BODYGUARD NO! DON'T! MARY-KATE (off the phone) Lower your voice, I'm on the phone. (on the phone) Sorry, Bodyguard, what'd you say? BODYGUARD I AM HERE IN PERSON. MARY-KATE You're queer in Provincetown? Well have a blast! BODYGUARD For the love of- MARY-KATE I can't understand you like at all. It might be easier if we video chatted. BODYGUARD You can't be s- He's interrupted by a FaceTime request noise. He answers it wordlessly. MARY-KATE BG! Comin' to you live from PT! Those Cape Cod summers are doing wonders for your skin. So where are you staying in Provincetown? Can I make some recommendations? The Lands End Inn is gorgeous, Moby Dick's has the best clam chowder, and also have you seen my phone anywhere? BODYGUARD It's in your hand. MARY-KATE (looking at her empty hand) No, guess again... BODYGUARD Your OTHER hand. MARY-KATE (switching phone hands, looking at her now-empty hand) Yeah, no. This is crazy, I just had it a minute ago. BODYGUARD I'm not clear on if you're messing with me or just really stupid. MARY-KATE Sorry, I didn't get that. This connection is awful. Let me try calling you from my second phone. BODYGUARD You have a SECOND PHONE?! MARY-KATE Where is it? Where is my second phone? Hold on, let me call it. Her second phone rings in her pocket. MARY-KATE (CONT.) What is- who's calling me at this hour? Oh, it looks like Ashley. Hey, Ash Cakes! OMG, you said what I said! Jinx, you owe me a coke! Jinx, you owe me a coke! Jinx, you owe me a coke! She keeps repeating this as Bodyguard backs slowly away. END.