From CH Staff on
This time, it really t'wis a dream.
By Jake Hurwitz & Amir Blumenfeld
INT. OFFICE - NIGHT. Jake and Amir are at their desks. Amir is exausted. AMIR I dunno If I can make it man. The finish line is in sight and I am not right. What time is it? 4AM? 5AM? 4:45 AM? JAKE It's 8:45PM. The All-Nighter STARTS in fifteen minutes. And goes on for another twelve hours. AMIR Don't hound my shit. I'm pissed, I'm scared, I'm tired, and I'm... there. JAKE How are you this tired already? AMIR I'm glad you asked! Amir instantly falls asleep. JAKE Amir! Dude, wake up! ILANA GLAZER is in Amir's seat. Startles awake. ILANA Holy Guac! That nap was more than legit. It was dece. ABBI JACOBSON is now in Jake's seat. ABBI That would be less than legit. ILANA Don't nitpick my twit pic ya shit-dick. Now that wit was quite quick. ABBI Do you want coffee? Would that wake you up? ILANA I'm clearly awake if I'm talking to you, Scooby fricken Don't. ABBI What are you talking about? ILANA Bad Scooby? Nah, bad doo. Ilana starts cracking up. FADE TO: Amir is laughing in his sleep. Jake shakes his head. FADE TO: BRIAN McELHANY is now laughing in Amir's seat. He stops on a dime. BRIAN You gotta crack up at that shit. That Scooby Doo pun? That destroyed at my pop-pop's wake. NICK KOCHER is now in Jake's seat. NICK Why did you tell it there? BRIAN Cuz every one was sad? Especially me, he was my best friend. Open casket? Now I can't buy a basket! Silence. NICK Can you please not try to rhyme all the time. BRIAN You just did it! NICK That was unintentional. BRIAN An unintentional rhyme? Well I'm an unconventional mime. Eating an unpresentable lime. Brian mimes eating a lime. Then... BRIAN (CONT'D) Ew! Fuck you! Crack up at that! NICK You didn't even give me time to laugh at that one. It's like you knew it would fail. BRIAN Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm cool. And fuck you! Brian laughs. FADE TO: Amir, asleep at his desk, sleep laughing. Ilana and Abbi and Brian and Nick are confused, standing behind Jake. JAKE He's fine, he's just tired. Jake picks up a tennis ball and throws it at Amir, but it hits EVAN GREGORY in the head. Evan wakes up, in Amir's seat. EVAN Ah! I'm seeing triple. Sitting across from Evan is ANDREW, MICHAEL, and SARAH. ANDREW/MICHAEL/SARAH I think we should ask Sam if you can go home. EVAN You'd love that wouldn't you? ANDREW/MICHAEL/SARAH Obviously, right? EVAN Wow, the truth comes tumbling out. Jake's a fricken anti-semite. And that just ain't right. ANDREW/MICHAEL/SARAH What? CUT TO: Back to Amir in the chair. Half asleep. AMIR I said you Jacob Hurwitz, are an anti-semite. Gregory Brothers, Ilana, Abbi, Nick and Brian are all behind Jake. NICK What did he just say? JAKE He's half asleep. What do you mean, what did he just say. What does it matter? ABBI Oh it doesn't matter because what? Because he's Jewish? Pushing Jake. JAKE What are you talking about? AMIR (fully awake) I'm talking about YOU hating Jews. JAKE Oh you're awake now? ILANA You prick, I know many Jews. JAKE So do I! I'm half Jew-- Brian punches Jake in the face. JAKE (CONT'D) OW! BRIAN I don't hit like a JEW do I? JAKE THAT's anti-semetic. Right? AMIR Get him! Everybody starts screaming/holding Jake and punching him in the face. Amir starts laughing maniacally. FADE TO: Amir is sleep laughing on a couch. Jake and the entire gang is watching him. ANDREW I thought you said we were going to shoot a video. JAKE Yeah sorry, he's asleep. AMIR (still sleeping) Tear his Jew-hating face off! THE END