The most cringe-inducing words in the English language, together at last!
By Dan Gurewitch
Dan and Emily address camera.
The following is a dramatic scene
using all of the grossest words in
the English language.
See if you can make it through!
INT. NICE RESTAURANT
Dan and Emily sit across from each other. They
over-enunciate the various gross words.
This meal is so... moist. It's like
a succulent, fudgy ooze. All these
mucus-y, moist veggies and crud.
I wonder whose brainchild this
moist meal was. It's giving me
goose pimples in my panties.
Your moist panties are goose
Yeah, this meal is that damp. It's
like a bulbous pulp clot in my
It's the lumpy log of moist meat.
It's like a viscous, bulging fungal
Excuse me, waiter with the yummy
pupils? I'd like to swap fudgy ooze
phlegm and slurp this moist meal
out of a wedge in your slacks.
Ma'am, we don't usually bloviate
about the moistness, but I'd
suggest you tweak your plump
grundle, squat and slurp this
chunky yolk out of a honking
crevice in your navel.
I chortled because my navel crevice
is my favorite orifice. My navel
and my pus-y nostrils.
(oddly turned on)
Honestly? I'd make a dank hoagie
out of these fleshy morsels and
gurgle, gargle and suckle them out
of your blouse slit like a
festering gluten sleuth.
I would milk a nugget of this
oyster gloop from your bloated
scrotum stump and smear it on a
If this moist meal was a creamy
ointment, I'd make you butt-chug it
through a damp crusty hole 'til you
had bunion scabs on your bladder
and pubis so wormy and putrid you'd
have to slither like a greasy
yogurt toad to the webinar.
Ew. Don't ever say that word.
What word? "Webinar?"
Emily PUKES SO HARD.