It's all fun and games until you get your dick ripped off.
By Josh Ruben & Josh Middleditch
EXT. FIELD - DAY
An intense soccer game is at HALFTIME. BOYS VS GIRLS. The
BOYS are clearly winning. We see a shot of them and they are
cocky, confident, and their clothes are clean.
REVEAL the GIRLS. Muddy, disheveled, getting their asses
handed to them. BARBARA and RAE ANNE (Josh & Thomas) are
bigger than the other girls and uncomfortable in their
bodies. They look concerned. TRISHA (real 10 year old girl)
is the team captain.
ANGLE ON THE SCORE BOARD. MILANA sits at a table, looking
concerned. BOYS: 8. GIRLS: 0.
Ok girls, huddle up!
They all huddle. IN THE HUDDLE...
Marcy, you gotta start sticking
around the eighteen. Louisa, I need
you to actually try to make saves,
not just stand there and get scared
of the ball.
They kick so hard...
Well do we wanna win or do we wanna
We don't care. We just want this to
Yeah, this is too hard.
Dammit, ladies, this is bigger than
that! We have to show these boys
that we're just as good as them!
What's the matter, girls?! Need to
change out your tampons because of
your stupid periods??!
The other boys laugh. Trisha grits her teeth.
No mercy, ladies. No mercy.
JUMP TO: MID-GAME
The girls face the boys. TENSION. Milana blows the WHISTLE.
SAD MUSIC you'd find in a sports movie where the good team
is losing. Instant VIOLENT MONTAGE of Boys beating Girls:
- Boys SHOVING the girl teammates HARD
- Girls falling in mud
- A boy straight up pushing Rae Anne
- A boy up picking Barbara by the throat and throwing her in
- A boy kicking Rae Anne in the "nuts"
ANNE Ow, my pussy...
- Barbara instantly gets ELBOWED by a BOY with a shit-eating
- Rae Anne getting CLOTHES-LINED by a bunch of boy kids
- Barbara gets HIT IN THE HEAD by a soccer ball.
- The boys let out animal war cries, celebrating like
The ball suddenly comes to Barbara and Rae Anne. They don't
know what to do.
Ew! No! You kick it!
Ew, no you kick it!
One of the mean boys is running full tilt towards them.
Barbara shuts her eyes and KICKS HER FOOT OUT IN FRONT OF
HER, aiming for the ball but missing. She connects with the
boy's chest and - in a ridiculously stupid shot - FLIES
BACKWARDS. He falls to the ground with a sickening CRACKKK.
SLOW MOTION. Everyone is motionless. Slack-jawed expressions
abound. The camp director drops a sandwich.
Rae Anne and Barbara look at each other. They look at their
Trisha lies belly down in the mud, watching.
A JUNGLE-LIKE WAR BEAT as the girls realize truly how
powerful they are.
MONTAGE OF THE GIRLS DESTROYING the boys:
- Rae Anne HEAD BUTTS two kids one after the other
- Barbara legit PUNCHES A BOY IN THE FACE.
- Rae Anne UPPER CUTS the shit-eating grin kid in his balls.
His eyes cross instantly.
- Milana sits at the table, hopeful.
Yes. Yes. Fuck up their dicks,
girls. Fuck up their dicks.
- Rapid cuts one after the other of the soccer ball HURLING
into the net - SWISH! SWISH! SWISH!
- ANGLE ON: The girls' scores going up: 4,5,6
- Barbara and Rae Anne kick the ball back and forth before
TAG TEAM CLOTHES-LINING a WHOLE ROW of boys
- The girls kick the soccer ball boys heads, one after the
other knocking them down like pinballs.
- SLOW MOTION. Rae Anne runs kicks the ball as hard as
possible. It FLIES through the air and knocks the meanest
boys HEAD clean off his SHOULDERS! (clearly a DUMMY)
- ANGLE ON: The girl's score flips over - 10!
The girls celebrate, jumping up and down and squealing.
WAY TO GO GIRLS! WAY TO FUCK UP
The (now really MUDDY boys) and girls do the post-game "good
game" hand-touches. "Good game" "good game" "good game"
Rae Anne and Barbara do a thuggish "fake out" punch to one
boy. He flinches. They improv thuggish lines: "S'right!"