From CH Staff on
It's all fun and games until you get your dick ripped off.
By Josh Ruben & Josh Middleditch
EXT. FIELD - DAY An intense soccer game is at HALFTIME. BOYS VS GIRLS. The BOYS are clearly winning. We see a shot of them and they are cocky, confident, and their clothes are clean. REVEAL the GIRLS. Muddy, disheveled, getting their asses handed to them. BARBARA and RAE ANNE (Josh & Thomas) are bigger than the other girls and uncomfortable in their bodies. They look concerned. TRISHA (real 10 year old girl) is the team captain. ANGLE ON THE SCORE BOARD. MILANA sits at a table, looking concerned. BOYS: 8. GIRLS: 0. TRISHA Ok girls, huddle up! They all huddle. IN THE HUDDLE... TRISHA Marcy, you gotta start sticking around the eighteen. Louisa, I need you to actually try to make saves, not just stand there and get scared of the ball. LOUISA They kick so hard... TRISHA Well do we wanna win or do we wanna lose? BARBARA We don't care. We just want this to end. RAE ANNE Yeah, this is too hard. TRISHA Dammit, ladies, this is bigger than that! We have to show these boys that we're just as good as them! DONNY (calling out) What's the matter, girls?! Need to change out your tampons because of your stupid periods??! The other boys laugh. Trisha grits her teeth. TRISHA No mercy, ladies. No mercy. JUMP TO: MID-GAME The girls face the boys. TENSION. Milana blows the WHISTLE. SAD MUSIC you'd find in a sports movie where the good team is losing. Instant VIOLENT MONTAGE of Boys beating Girls: - Boys SHOVING the girl teammates HARD - Girls falling in mud - A boy straight up pushing Rae Anne - A boy up picking Barbara by the throat and throwing her in mud - A boy kicking Rae Anne in the "nuts" RAE ANNE Ow, my pussy... - Barbara instantly gets ELBOWED by a BOY with a shit-eating grin - Rae Anne getting CLOTHES-LINED by a bunch of boy kids - Barbara gets HIT IN THE HEAD by a soccer ball. - The boys let out animal war cries, celebrating like idiots. The ball suddenly comes to Barbara and Rae Anne. They don't know what to do. RAE ANNE Kick it! BARBARA Ew! No! You kick it! RAE ANNE Ew, no you kick it! One of the mean boys is running full tilt towards them. Barbara shuts her eyes and KICKS HER FOOT OUT IN FRONT OF HER, aiming for the ball but missing. She connects with the boy's chest and - in a ridiculously stupid shot - FLIES BACKWARDS. He falls to the ground with a sickening CRACKKK. SLOW MOTION. Everyone is motionless. Slack-jawed expressions abound. The camp director drops a sandwich. Rae Anne and Barbara look at each other. They look at their hands...SUCH POWER... Trisha lies belly down in the mud, watching. TRISHA (weakly) End... this... It's on. A JUNGLE-LIKE WAR BEAT as the girls realize truly how powerful they are. MONTAGE OF THE GIRLS DESTROYING the boys: - Rae Anne HEAD BUTTS two kids one after the other - Barbara legit PUNCHES A BOY IN THE FACE. - Rae Anne UPPER CUTS the shit-eating grin kid in his balls. His eyes cross instantly. - Milana sits at the table, hopeful. MILANA (whispered) Yes. Yes. Fuck up their dicks, girls. Fuck up their dicks. - Rapid cuts one after the other of the soccer ball HURLING into the net - SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! - ANGLE ON: The girls' scores going up: 4,5,6 - Barbara and Rae Anne kick the ball back and forth before TAG TEAM CLOTHES-LINING a WHOLE ROW of boys - The girls kick the soccer ball boys heads, one after the other knocking them down like pinballs. - SLOW MOTION. Rae Anne runs kicks the ball as hard as possible. It FLIES through the air and knocks the meanest boys HEAD clean off his SHOULDERS! (clearly a DUMMY) - ANGLE ON: The girl's score flips over - 10! BARBARA WE WON!!!!!!!!! The girls celebrate, jumping up and down and squealing. MILANA WAY TO GO GIRLS! WAY TO FUCK UP THOSE DICKS!!! JUMP TO: The (now really MUDDY boys) and girls do the post-game "good game" hand-touches. "Good game" "good game" "good game" Rae Anne and Barbara do a thuggish "fake out" punch to one boy. He flinches. They improv thuggish lines: "S'right!" etc.