They're on a mission to get you laid.
By Brian Murphy & Kevin Corrigan
MIKE and his WINGMAN (wearing a blue tooth) are sitting at a
table enjoying some BREWS.
I can't believe she dumped me for a
guy who sells socks at the flea
Come on, man! We're surrounded by
beautiful women. What do you think
about that girl over there?
Wingman motions to TARA, who's talking to BECKY.
Go talk to her! I'll be your
A guy next to them, the COMMANDER, leans in.
And I'll be your commander.
Scouts, lets do a quick fly by to
check for any boyfriends or
TWO SCOUTS (scummy-looking guys at the bar) nod and casually
walk by the girls to the bathroom. They give a thumbs up.
And we're clear. Ground crew,
prepare for hook-up.
A GROUND CREW of THREE DUDES swoop in and touch Mike up: one
guy is fixing his hair, two guys roll up his sleeves, and
finally, the hair guy unbuttons his top button. He gives the
commander a thumbs up.
Clear for take-off. Set course for
the smokin' babes by the jukebox.
Wingman and Mike approach the girls. It's super casual.
Hey. I'm Mike.
I'm Tara. Nice to meet you.
You pick this song?
(motioning to Mike)
This is like Mike's favorite. He
plays guitar too.
Tara, these guys are boring, let's
Wingman's blue tooth lights up. He answers it. SPLIT SCREEN:
Commander is talking to him on an iPhone.
He's taking anti-aircraft fire!
Initiate evasive maneuvers!
I'll do shots with you.
Becky shrugs: Wingman takes her by the arm and they leave.
So like, what do you do?
I'm in marketing.
TWO COOL GUYS swoop in.
We're in marketing!
Back to the commander.
Bogeys on his 3! Where's my
bombadier!? BOMBADIER, holding a platter of beers, walks
pretends to trip, and SPILLS THE BEER ALL OVER THE COOL
COOL GUY 1
Dude, MY VEST!
We see that Tara was splashed. She runs to the bathroom. A
SPY is doing her makeup. Tara runs water on her dress.
Oh no! Your dress!
Ugh. Some idiot dumped beer all
over me. I've been talking to this
sorta cute guy, so I'd rather not
stink like PBR.
Tara wipes her dress down with a paper towel and exits. The
spy talks into her lipstick and the SCREEN SPLITS to include
Spy reporting in, just intercepted
some confidential intel: she thinks
he's sorta cute.
The commander nods. We hear the phone ring again and the spy
is replaced by the Wingman. He is taking shots with Becky,
looking extremely sick.
I can't hold it much longer!
Becky hands him another shot. He does it and winces.
The MEDIC appears next to wingman with a glass of water and
a boat of french fries. He feeds the wingman.
It's too late for me, brother.
The Wingman suddenly BARFS all over the medic.
Becky gives them a disgusted look and walks away. She
stumbles over to Tara and Mike.
Come on, Tara, I want chicken
A HERO emerges from behind the commander.
Stand down, soldier!
You and I both know what needs to
Don't you be a hero, god damn it!
The air is sucked out of the room, a la Saving Private Ryan.
The Hero walks to Becky in slow motion. She notices.
Oh my god. That guy looks like
He reaches her and they sloppily makeout. The background
sound returns: It's gross. The commander lowers his head.
Ew. This place sucks. Do you wanna
go somewhere else?
Yeah, uh, I have beer at my place.
Oh, okay. Cool.
Mike and Tara exit.
(to the whole bar)
EVERYONE CHEERS. Mike re-enters.
I said "I love you" and she ran.