1. Why did the principal not shut this dance down earlier?

So, straight up, Max comes dancing into his PRINCIPAL'S SPEECH and what does the principal do? He backs away slowly from the situation like he just walked in on the middle of a kid's awkward dance to give a speech. Not the case, Principal Mazur. Exact opposite. Why is  there no authority here?

 

2. He's a failure because he was STOPPED from swinging across the auditorium LIP SYNCHING song by Powerline, a "cool popstar."

This is the equivalent of someone swinging through your high school principal's speech to dance to *NSYNC's 'Bye Bye Bye' and then your principal being like, "Fuck, I've been ousted by the boy band." Also, how was that the way to impress a girl? Remember when you and your friends were like, "Ugh, I like this girl. Should I talk to her?" "You should absolutely not. You should, instead, wear sunglasses and dance to a song on stage and then look at her." "Good plan."

 

3. Why is becoming his dad the worst thing? His existence means his dad got more action than him at least once.

Max's biggest issue is that if he becomes his dad, Roxanne, the lady that inspired the horrifying dance up top, won't like him anymore. By this point in the movie, all we've seen of the dad is a fun, dare I say, goofy, sweet guy, so excited to see and be with his son. UGH, PARENTS! Am I right?! Also, Max exists, so Goofy easily got more action (at some point) than Max has ever gotten in his life thus far.

 

4. Why doesn't Max get in trouble for this dance?!?

Sure, he gets called to the principal's office, but why doesn't anything more happen to this kid? They even call his dad who knows that Max is a hormonal, annoying troublemaker. Not only does this kid not get into trouble, but he has successfully asked a girl out and his dad has decided to take him on a surprise vacation. The latter of which is going to be great. Just kidding.

 

5. Dad failed at being a firm parent. I would slap this kid that I took on a vacation that literally bullied and destroyed my soul.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE VACATION!? Max is easily the worst kid on the planet. His dad works so hard for him and just wants to spend time with him and take him fishing and camping and places he used to love as a child. Meanwhile, Max channels Holden Caulfield and spends the whole time throwing a tantrum about how his dad is ruining his life. And his dad is just TAKING IT. And feeling BAD for MAX.



6. Was it the lack of map that was stopping him from going to LA? Also Bigfoot?

So, they're in the car after Bigfoot attacks them (yeah Bigfoot just walks in when they're at the campground because why wouldn't he? There's an adult dog trying to bond with his dog son. Bigfoot should be part of this!), Goofy and Bigfoot fall asleep and Max discovers (GASP) that there is a map of the US that has California on it. This is great because he lied to Roxanne about camping with his dad and told her they'd go to the band's (that Max danced to) concert so now he can definitely trick his dad into going to Los Angeles instead of Idaho. That's how signs on the road work.

 

7. Max blames the car falling into a river on DAD??

Up until now, Goofy should get the "Most Patient Dad" award (with the addendum: Least Firm Dad, Seriously Discipline Your Son He's An Ungrateful Piece of Shit). When Goofy, understandably, storms out of the car since his son was trying to trick him to LA, the car rolls into a river. When they attempt to save the car, Max blames GOOFY for this little situation. Hm. I don't know, Max, weren't you the reason we had to stop the car? Weren't you the reason we're not chilling in Idaho?

 

8. "You were ruining my life" - Max, while being the worst

Max explains that he had to trick his father, who wanted to take him to his favorite amusement park and then camping, because his father (who did the aforementioned terrible things) was ruining his life. He was ruining his life by wanting to spend time with him and be IN his life. At which point Goofy cut Max off financially and told him he needed to pay rent in their house until he found a new place. (Just kidding, he did none of those things, he just got sad and basically apologizes to his son.)

 

9. How does Max think he's growing up?

When Goofy is explaining that he lives to destroy his son's life, we get to the conclusion that it's hard for Goofy to let go of his son and "let him grow up" (and also not make him do BABY things like fishing or spending time with his single father). But, hold up. Didn't Max start this movie dancing to "Powerline" to impress a girl, throwing a tantrum in an amusement park, and telling his dad he's "ruining" his life? Is that really the passage into adulthood, or is it the mother of all tantrums?

 

10. Okay, FINE. Powerline is very catchy and the trip to LA was worth it.

WHATEVER it's all very cool and catchy and I'm glad they went there instead of some lame camping trip in Idaho.