1. They wake up HOURS before the bus shows up

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-TV-


[Family has lengthy communal breakfast where everyone discusses their big plans for the rest of the episode, then a bus beeps its horn outside.]


Mom: "Oop, that's the bus! Don't be late, go go!"


[Bus presumably sits there waiting while all three kids get on the same bus to the same school they all go to]

-REAL LIFE-

 

[Looks at clock]

 

Kid: "Whoa, the bus is here in TWO MINUTES! That's another solid ninety seconds of sleep!"

 

[Resets alarm for 1 minute in the future, does it wrong in a tired stupor, is 57 minutes late to class]



2. They're always asking their parents for homework help

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-TV-

 

Kid: "Mom! You PROMISED you'd be home tonight to work on my solar system of volcanos project, and the Science Fair is TOMORROW!"

Mom: "Oh my goodness honey, I'm... I'm so sorry I forgot..."

 

-REAL LIFE-

 

Mom: "What'cha working on?" 

Kid: "Algebra 2 homework." 

Mom: "Hahaha, good LUCK."



3. They have intricately decorated locker interiors that reflect their personality

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-TV-

 

Jock: "I'm really into sports, so you'll note that I've hung a poster of Jerry Rice next to a local press clipping of my football exploits behind my trophies, my pile of ratty gym shorts, and a bunch of footballs I keep in here, for footballing."

-REAL LIFE-

 

Kid: "Oh shit! Here was my physics textbook the whole time, under these Composition books I bought for some reason the second day of school. I've just been looking at Amy's for like fifteen weeks. That was a waste of $85."



4. "Rapping" with a lame guidance counselor

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-TV-

 

[Young-ish 'Cool' Grown-Up puts feet up on desk and leans back in chair] "Hey, come jam with me little dude, what's eatin' ya? I know I'm a biiiig square adult but you can talk to me, I'm down!"

-REAL LIFE-

 

[Student opens door for first time in 3 years] "Hey, my college applications are due tomorrow...how do I, like, do all that?"



5. Keeping a detailed eloquent diary full of compromising secrets

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-TV- 

"Dear Diary. Tonight at the Spring Fling, I fell head over heels for a new guy -- Jessie -- who's so sweet and gave me a ride home... but what if R finds out?? O to be sixteen with the heart of an eagle and the body of a prisoner... no one must ever know.....

-REAL LIFE-

 

"Monday 3/12 - Hey Mikaela, stop stealing this and reading it, cool?"



6. Just showing up at each others' houses in person without calling

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-TV-

 

"Jared?"

 

"Karol, wait-- don't shut the door. I need to talk to you."

 

"You shouldn't have come here."

 

[From Inside: "Karol honey, who's at the door?"]

 

"No one daddy, just a, very pesky salesman and he's just going."

 

"No Karol wait--"

 

"Meet me by the back window in 3, ok? Then please promise you'll GO AWAY."

-REAL LIFE-

 

"Ah. No one's here. This was dumb. At least I can recycle my cool mix on the drive back."

 

(NOTE: This is more of a "weird things that happen in tv/movies thing in general," but high school shows seem to be the most constant perpetrators. Friday Night Lights is one of the best-written shows of all time and this still happens in that series like four times an episode.)



7. Climb an intimidating-ass rope in gym class

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-TV-

 

"Well well well, you third-grade pussies. Who wants to be first to climb THE ROPE THAT'S 30 TIMES ALL YOUR HEIGHTS? Even though you don't possess the ability to build upper body strength at this age, we WILL ridicule anyone who messes up. Who's first... SODOWSKI?" "GULP!"

-REAL LIFE-

 

"Here's a rope, today we'll take turns trying to climb it. If you can't, you won't fail or anything, because why in God's name would our school's policy be to fail children who can't climb giant upwards ropes?"



8. Talk to their parents about their crush/dating/sex/ANYTHING RIDICULOUSLY EMBARRASSING

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-TV-

 

Kid: "Dad, how do I know when a girl is interested in me?"

 

Dad: "Well mah boy, pull up a chair cause it's time for a crash course in the art of romance from your old man! You know back in my day, I was quite the catch!"

 

Kid: "Ha ha, sure you were, dad."

-REAL LIFE-

 

"I think I'm gonna avoid asking the 50 year old man I live with who constantly turns up the volume on the Kia Hamster ads how to fuck someone"