1. Is there any way Smalls could be THAT dumb? It's 1962 and he's never heard of BABE RUTH? Jesus.

Like, I get it - Smalls only recently got Denis Leary as a dad, he's super into Erector Set, and he apparently has no semblance of a social life beyond hanging out with his mom, Indiana Jones' Girlfriend. And, mainly, he doesn't know jack-squat about baseball. So how would he have heard of Babe Ruth?!

Let's put aside that Babe Ruth's legacy as the greatest baseball player ever had somehow missed Smalls, even though that's as insane as a kid growing up today not knowing who Michael Jordan is. Let's say that that's not IMPOSSIBLE. But it's REALLY REALLY improbable, and here's why - The Sandlot takes place in 1962.

1962 isn't that notable a year for Babe Ruth - he'd been dead for years (and giving dream-ghost advice to kids, apparently). However, the previous year - 1961 - was HUGE for Babe Ruth. It was the year Roger Maris broke Ruth's single-season home run record, and the news was EVERYWHERE. In order to not know who Babe Ruth was, we'd have to assume Smalls never looked at a newspaper, saw a TV, or listened to a radio for over a year.

As for s'mores...c'mon, Smalls. You're killing us.

2. NO ONE HAS 98 CENTS?? THEY HAD TO USE AN ANTIQUE BABE RUTH BALL BECAUSE NO ONE HAD 98 CENTS?

They definitely had 98 cents to buy chaw with, and go to the fair with, and a million other things. Their whole lives revolve around playing baseball, and somehow they save their rainy day funds for buying s'mores, chaw, and fair tickets. And, as a result, almost lost a priceless baseball.

3. Denis Leary already had another ball that he used to try to play catch with Smalls - why not use THAT ball, instead of the ball that's in a goddamn TROPHY CASE?

Speaking of...there were DEFINITELY other baseballs in Denis Leary's house, other than the CLEARLY IMPORTANT ONE SITTING ON THE MANTLE. Denis Leary attempts to play catch with Smalls early in the film with a regular ol' baseball (the one he beans him in the eye with), but Smalls doesn't think to use that one?

Also - pretty clear implication that Denis Leary is going to beat Smalls if he finds out the ball is missing, right?



4. What local town picnic has a wedding cake?

Seriously. Who here had a wedding cake at their town picnic, instead of sheet cake or - more likely - no cake, because you're outside in the summer, just eat a hot dog. Or at least not an enormous, elaborate cake that sits at the end of a catapult/table hybrid:

5. So wait, the kids nearly DIED blowing up their treehouse and NO ONE thought to knock on the door and ask the dude for their ball back? Just cuz they thought he might be mean?

Neighbors can be scary, especially to kids. Even worse are neighbors who have urban legends surrounding them, making them out to be creepy monsters who have evil beast-dogs at their command. But, I mean, the kids all nearly DIE.

At the very least, this should have attracted the attention of the local authorities - these kids basically engineered a fucking BOMB in their backyard, all to avoid talking to a neighbor. If they all would have gone together, there's no way mean ol' Mr. Mertle could have fed them ALL to the Beast, right?

6. Who gave the kids their clothes when they were being kicked out of the pool?

Listen, there are a lot of issues with the famous pool scene in The Sandlot. But I can accept Squints nearly committing suicide for real (he couldn't swim and did immediately sink to the bottom - no guarantee they would have gotten him out in time). I can accept Squints doing all of this to sneakily force Wendy Peffercorn into kissing him (which is a pretty shitty maneuver, tricking someone into kissing you and then holding their head to stop them from getting away, even if it DOES result in your marriage - with 9 kids! - down the line). But one thing I CANNOT accept is...who gives the kids their clothes back when they're being thrown out?

The second Squints pulls his move, Wendy grabs him and the rest of the kids and tosses them out, with no delay. The kids run to their bikes, and someone is already waiting for them, throwing their clothes out in a big pile. Presumably, all of their clothes were in individual lockers. And heck, even if they WERE in a big pile in the locker room...who found out that group of kids were being kicked out, bolted to the locker room, AND was able to throw out their clothes the instant they got in front of the door? That kind of timing is unreal.



7. Is the Beast playing baseball with them at the end like some Air Bud deal? He's proven to EAT METAL. Watch the fuck out, kiddos.

Like, he eats wood and metal. We've seen it. Sure, he's acting pretty nice right now, but who knows if he'll snap and tear all the kids to shreds? We KNOW he has the strength to do it.

Also - who the hell had the balls to squeeze the monster-dog into a jersey?

8. Mr. Mertle was clearly neglecting that dog, right?

I'm not saying it's Mr. Mertle's fault necessarily (the dude was blind, after all), but Hercules is clearly being neglected. He's tied to a chain 24/7 seemingly, he's so desperately hungry that he chomps down on literally anything that comes within range of him (again - EVEN METAL AND WOOD), and he never gets to go on walks, socialize with any other dogs, or basically do ANYTHING thanks to his owner's condition. Not entirely Mr. Mertle's fault, but jeez, makes you feel pretty bad for Hercules.

9. The kids disappearing at the end is super creepy.

It's weird - at the end of the movie, Smalls tells us the ultimate fates of all the Sandlot Kidz - most found unexpected success, one disappeared off the face of the Earth (RIP Bertram), and ALL of them disappeared in the midst of a game of baseball. Totally a stylistic choice to visually illustrate how they were all moving on, one by one, but still a real odd way to do it.

Also, by the end, was it just like...3 kids playing baseball together? That's gonna make for some pretty shitty games. Maybe, like, recruit a couple new kids. Really kinda hope by the end it was just Smalls playing baseball by himself in the sandlot with a dog in a jersey watching him, and everyone in the neighborhood thought he was completely insane.

10. SERIOUSLY. S'MORES? HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT S'MORES ARE. "How can I have some more if I haven't had any yet?" What is this, a fucking Abbott and Costello routine? USE CONTEXT CLUES.

You're KILLING me, Smalls.