Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name. Other times you want to go where nobody knows your name so that you can lie about things that never happened to you for attention and Internet points.

1. Yeah, I'm sure another human being thought your dick was a lightsaber.

via nsomniac5881

 

2. Prayers for this girl and her unspecified bad accident.

via woohoos-

 

3. Minimum wage will do that to a person.

via ThomLee95

 

4. Yup, it's as small as everyone said it was.

via PurityDVoyd

5. Did the dude you headbutted have a machete for a head?

via randy88moss