"And then Abraham Lincoln, back from the grave, shook my hand and gave me a check for a billion dollars. Of course I refused and told him to give it all to charity. The Dalai Lama then stood up and started to applaud while the bystanders joined in. It's a standing ovation I'll never forget."
"Wow, Ethan, that's a really cool story. I can't help but noticed you may have some bullshit crumbs around your mouth. Did you just eat lunch?"
1. I think the most unbelievable part of this story is he was buying grocery store sushi.
2. "Okay, Karen, we hear you, congrats. But we're in the middle of a lecture about the Holocaust, this is not the time.
3. I then got fired for doing 30 push-ups in the middle of work.
4. Life hack: you can pay for vending maching with your dick skin.
5. You know how when you're very attractive people just throw money at you? Oh you don't? How unfortunate.
6. When you love something so much you just leave whatever you were doing so you can sleep.
7. The austic child's name? Albert Einstein.
8. The story of a hero vs. a 90's bully.
9. NONE OF YOU HAVE EVER BEEN IN LOVE.
10. Such bravery should be celebrated.
11. The cat then told her to go get her to go get it a goddamn beer.
12. The twist is, her boyfriend was actually Leonard Nimoy.
We like you. Do you like us too?