Over the years, we wind up hearing a lot of bullshit from people - misconceptions, half-truths, and straight-up lies. Sometimes we bite our tongue and don't call them on it - and sometimes we just can't help but scream "NO, YOU'RE WRONG AND YOU NEED TO ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG." But mostly we hold our tongues, because - hey - no real point in causing a scene, right?
But sometimes the bullshit is so thick, you need to tell the whole internet about it - and that's what happened in this amazing r/AskReddit thread. Here are some of the highlights:
1. drbon tells the story of a kid who tried lying for sympathy and got burned so badly, it's hard to imagine he ever showed his face in school again:
I worked with a guy that would always say stupid comments and people would always call him out for saying dumb things. One day he got mad about it and went on a rant about how he was only dumb because he had to drop out of school to take care of his blind mom when he was 14 and no one else was around to take care of the family. Everyone got quiet and it was awkward until someone said, "Your mom drove you to work today."
2. joeclark5 recounts someone who thought cartoon logic applied to real life, I guess:
Someone I know said that if a bear is chasing you, don't run down a hill because the bear would roll down the hill like a boulder and crush you, he really believed it.
3. Tollhouser on the topic of someone who apparently has been deeper into the Earth's crust than any human to ever exist:
"I worked in a mine 43000 feet underground." I asked do you mean 4300. She said nope, 43000. Called her on her bullshit seeing as the furthest down drilled hole is 40000 feet, in Russia. We're in Canada.
4. CMonocle knew someone who is either always hungover (and not realizing it) or has confused apple juice with whiskey:
Had a guy tell me that you can't get a hangover from Jack Daniel's because of the minerals in the spring water they use to make it.
5. AudioBoss remembers a college acquaintance who is PROBABLY an X-Man and doesn't realize it:
Asshole attending my college: "There was a meth lab next door to my house and it smelled terrible. So I hit it with my sound cannon and destroyed the house."
Oh. Also "I put a virus on my friends computer so the disk in the computer spun so fast that it shattered and broke the computer."
Also "I can direct lightning through my hands"
This man is NOT special ed. I don't understand anything anymore.
6. urkchaloi knew someone who TOTALLY could have been a doctor, if not for all the learning and science and stuff:
7. MarcusAurelius87's aunt is a certified Gluten-expert (self-taught):
"I can't eat those eggs, they have gluten!"
My aunt is convinced that anything produced by any animal who has ever eaten gluten also contains gluten.
When I asked if she was tested for Celiac's, she said "Doctors don't know."
She's not a very bright person.
8. giantvoice remembers a vegetarian who MIGHT be slightly misinformed about a few topics:
"Sugar can't be digested and cuts the inside of your arteries and veins."
A vegetarian told me that while drinking sweet tea. She believed there was no sugar in the tea because it was made from sweet leaves.
I wish I was making this up.
9. 2phatcc has a family member who tends to embellish things, it sounds like:
My stepdad's niece married this fat hick, and well, basically everything that ever comes out of his mouth... First, he claims he was a Navy Seal, and even if you look at the guy and can somehow think "well, maybe he just got really out of shape," three minutes talking to him and you know he's full of shit. But he lives the gimmick, and his wife believes it... We went to some motorcycle races one night and I heard him quietly tell his wife, "I know I'm not the only Seal here - I've seen a few guys, and I can tell by what they're wearing that they're Seals."
He would also tell us how, in the Navy, they used to play baseball with balls of C4 and watch them explode, and one time they knocked one into the sunroof of a fellow seaman's brand new Camaro and blew it up... I didn't bother to point out that C4 needs a detonator, because I'm sure he would just explain that this was special C4 that didn't need a detonator...
There was another time he told the story of when he promised his grandmother that he would drive from Michigan to California in 16 hours and he did. If you look at a map and don't take any roads into consideration, just connect the 2 closest points between Michigan and California, you're at about 2,000 miles... Add in roads, and the fact that he was going from the middle of Michigan to the middle of California, and you're close to 3000 miles... in 16 hours...
10. tilted_till_tuesday on the topic of a high school friend who lied about almost everything:
I knew a dude in high school who was probably a pathological liar. He would literally lie about EVERYTHING. It didn't matter how insignificant, it would be a lie.
"Got a new car yesterday!" - Drives up in the same old car. "Got a job making $30 an hour!" - No you're 16. "Got a 100 on every test last week." - Kid was dumb as bricks.
We kinda got sick of calling him out all the time so we just let him continue telling his lies...
Then one day he starts saying that he met this girl on "habbo hotel" which was like a stupid online chat room game. The guy starts saying that shes from Finland or some shit and that she's super hot. He continues to tell us that shes moving in with him and keeps showing us pictures of this hot girl.
But then....shortly after HS he moves in with the girl from Habbo Hotel. God damn the one most bullshit thing he said was actually true.
11. musichatesyouall had a friend who didn't really grasp the idea of "internal logic":
I had a friend in high school that would always tell semi-plausible stories that we suspected were bullshit, but we could never catch him on it. One day during lunch, we were talking about weed and he casually says "When my dad was a cop in the seventies, he would confiscate weed from guys and then go back and smoke it because it was legal back then"
We all kind of looked around the table and some brave soul said "Dude, if weed was legal, then why were the cops confiscating it?"
12. b8le has an uncle who got duped into buying a $300 HDMI cable at Circuit City and lived to tell the tale:
My uncle brag on and on about how much better his TV looks now because of the $300 platinum/diamond 3ft HDMI cable he bought.
13. thelosermonster on the topic of a friend who was TECHNICALLY not wrong:
My friend, who was prone to "stretching" the truth when we were younger, once told me that his 5 year old brother had jumped out of an airplane without a parachute and survived.
When pressed, he clarified that what he really meant was his brother had jumped off the last step of the stairs when exiting the plane.