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The bride hasn't even made her way to the aisle yet, but this dude is already plotting their drink order. They repeat the phrase "I can't wait for the open bar" to anyone who will listen and gleefully recount how drunk they plan on getting in a way that makes you think that maybe they don't get out all that often.

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You've known the happy couple your entire life. You grew up next door to them, dormed together in college and were even briefly stranded on a desert island back in your early twenties. You know everything about them so....who the fuck is that guy? The Stranger is someone who was apparently important enough in your friend's life to invite to the wedding, but not so important that you've ever met them before. They're not long lost family. They're not someone's date. They're literally just a blip and the fact that you've never seen them calls into question everything you thought you knew about your so called "Friends".

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"How do you know the bride and groom?" This is the question that The Genealogist starts all of their conversations with. Then, they immediately abandon those conversations to ask the aforementioned question to someone else. Everyone has SOME sort of relation to the people getting married, and they're gonna find out how or die trying. Why do they care so much? Who knows, but you half expect them to duck out of a wedding to go to a dark room in a police station covered in red string and pictures of the wedding guest, just to try and figure out how it's all connected.

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The dinner has been served. The speeches have been made. The band has started jamming and everyone's made their way out onto the dance floor...Everyone, that is, except for The Table Dwellers. Their refusal to move seems to be driven by shyness, but if they didn't want people looking at them, they went about it in the wrong way. They sit hunched over a table, silently drinking a cocktail while the caterers clear the plates, and stick out like a sore thumb to everyone else on the dance floor.

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On the opposite side of the spectrum from The Table Dweller is The Party Animal. You haven't even taken a bite out of your dinner yet and they're already pestering you to join them on the dance floor. Decline them and they'll pester you to the point that you have no choice but to join them and dance out of obligation. As best as you can tell, they don't view what's going on as a wedding so much as an opportunity to show everyone that they know all the moves to the Cha-Cha Slide.

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As best as I can tell, this dude has only seen weddings in the movies before. That's the only explanation for why he keeps saying "Mawwiage" over and over again, and bringing up select scenes from The Wedding Crashers. If you were a little less polite,  you'd quoting Mean Girls and telling this guy "You can't sit with us!"

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Weddings are a great place to hook up, but do you have to be so obvious about it? The only people more guaranteed to bang later are the people getting married themselves. The weird sexual tension they cast over the wedding party is a little weird, but it's almost worth it knowing that because they're both friends of the bride and groom, they're almost certainly setting themselves up for a lifetime of awkward interactions at the pair's future functions.