Reading these as a single man is like easing into a nice bubbling hot tub and knowing I am completely free of all this drama. As well as cripplingly alone.

1. RainbowVIking_, I guess your response for her should maybe be to find some kind of creative outlet

Her: "I was high as fuck on cocaine and you were at work, what was I supposed to do?!"

Me: "Wait, what's this about cocaine?"

2. Ah yes, my favorite movie "Just Sexting", from Unifiedshoe

She claimed that the "i can't wait to fuck you." "me too, baby" texts were lines from a movie they were quoting to each other.

3. But of course! As long as you are tricking someone, it's not sex! Via murderousbudgie

"It didn't count. We didn't have sex. I wasn't doing it to have a relationship with her, I was doing it to fool her and make her feel like an idiot."

Yeah buddy that just makes you a sociopath in addition to being a cheater.

4. Trigger93, look on the bright side - it's a good thing you don't have a child with this person

"My birth control pills messed up my head and it made me crazy!"

5. If you're not getting dishonorably discharged for your woman, you don't deserve her, Yerok-The-Warrior

One of the first (of many) excuses given to me by my ex-wife was that "you didn't come home on my birthday". Bitch, I was in the field on a training exercise in the Army! I'm not going AWOL.

6. ...ok well what about the third person? From UrMomLIkesMine

She was a part of a 3 some. "He didn't fuck me, they only fingered me."

7. ALT_enveetee this one's on you. How dare you carry your own groceries

My ex-husband actually managed to sputter out, "and SHE lets me carry her groceries!!!" as a reason. Sorry I can carry my own? It was one of those "wait, what?" moments. I guess his ego was way more fragile than I could have ever imagined.

8. This is just all around brutal. Sorry, soupisashittylunch

never got a reason. she ghosted me after 2 years. i guess it was easier for her than saying "i'm pregnant, it's not yours."

9. bduk6, you just didn't have what he was looking for: a blood relation

He didn't give a reason. He tried to still say "it's not what it looks like, I would never do that to you," after I saw a video of him clearly cheating on me with his "cousin."

10. Oh great, at least xilstudio was some use to you, asshole girlfriend

"You gave me the self confidence to ask him out!" (on valentines day no less)

11. No one should ever have to hear these words, Needs-More-Hands

"His dick was huge and I wanted to see what it felt like"