The Dark Knight isn't the only thing rising because also his penis is rising.
By Front Page Films
INT. GOTHAM CITY HALL - DAY
Batman kicks bane towards a STONE PODIUM.
WHERE IS THE TRIGGER!
Batman lifts Bane by his throat, pinning him against a stone
platform. BANE'S MASK IS BROKEN, TUBES DISCONNECTED.
I broke you. How have you come
You thought you were the only one
who could learn the strength to
I never escaped. Ra's al Ghul
The child of Ra's al Ghul made the
But he is not the child of Ra's al
Reveal TALIA AL GHUL.
Batman flinches as A KNIFE SLIDES INTO HIS RIBS.
Talia. Al Ghul, here to finish my
But we totally had sex.
Yes, I know...
FULL BLOWN sex, like, three times.
A cruel ploy to gain your
If that was a cruel ploy, sign me
up for another.
She was doing some crazy stuff.
When the mission is at hand, no act
is off limits.
Totally agree with you. There was
nothing off limits. It was like an
Bane and Talia break their sinister tone.
Okay, cool it.
Whatever. You sound like Sean
Connery wearing a catcher's mask.
(changing the subject)
You must be wondering how we came
to this moment, Mr. Wayne.
Well, some stuff happened, she
sucked my dick...a lot...
(tries to shrug it off)
My father could not accept Bane.
How did that taste by the way? I
hadn't showered that day, and I
fight crime in a rubber suit...
He only saw a monster that could
never be tamed.
You were pretty good at taming my
SHUT UP! OKAY?!
...with your mouth.
(hangs her head in
frustration, through grit)
ANYWAY...I could not truly forgive
my father, until you...killed him
Oh yeah! It's kind of funny you
called me daddy, because I totally
ENOUGH! THAT IS MY LOVE YOU'RE
SPEAKING TO! I AM HER PROTECTOR!
You're her protector? That's weird,
because we didn't use any
No, Bane. It doesn't matter. These
words will be his last.
Your last words were "pull my
Stop! I didn't escape from that pit
for this insolence.
Oh yeah, how did you do that?
Well, I jumped from the ledge with
all my strength--
No, not that. That thing you did to
Wait, what did you do to his balls?
It doesn't matter.
You realize a nuclear bomb is about
to blow up Gotham and you have a
knife in you, right?
Oh, yeah. It's weird that this is
the second time one of us stabbed
Okay, very funny.
I stabbed you. With my dick.
And just to clarify for guy-who-
breathes-through-a-crab. This is
the second time one of us has stuck
a hard eight inches into the other
up to the ribs.
We get it--
But when I did it to her, she loved
Talia holds up the BOMB TRIGGER to Batman.
ENOUGH! Soon you will feel the fire
of twelve million souls you failed.
Will that be with a boom or more of
a bang? You seem to prefer a
Talia twists the knife in Batman's side.
You see, it's the slow knife...the
knife that takes its time...that's
(arms the trigger)
--that cuts deepest.
She twists. Batman screams. Talia and Bane grin maniacally.
That was my impression of this one
when she's getting it, right where
she wants it.
Batman takes off his glove and sniffs his fingers.
Oh yeah. That's the stuff.
(holding out hand to Bane)
Which tube do you smell out of?
Okay, fuck this, I'm just going to
blow Gotham up now.
(becoming tender, to Bane)
Goodbye my love.
Bane cries a single tear.
Awww, Bane. You're crying? Is your
face all wet? Like mine was at the
beginning and hers was at the end?
PRESS THE BUTTON!
It was totally pornographic.
Talia presses the trigger. Nothing.
You gave Gordon a way to block my
signal. No matter.
(Looks at watch)
He's bought himself eleven minutes.
Batman pulls PANTIES out of his utility belt.
And you should buy yourself another
pair of panties.
Cause you left these at my house,
and now they're mine.
Batman takes a deep whiff. Talia and Bane are grossed out.
I keep them in the air lock with my
Now you have my permission to cry.