Now they're all cool but rude.
Thick accents, thick heads.
I am the Pumpkin Ale King!
If he included 44 more songs this could BE a TV show.
You can't cover the truth in snow. Or in general.
If they hate being called losers, they should stop being losers.
Awkward.
Their mission? Being adoooowwwabble.
He'd get there a lot faster if he did less awesome tricks.
Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they use words like "MyFace,""SpaceBook,"or "The World Wide Web?"
If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, submit it here!
And thank God we'll never be as dumb as they are!

Today my mother realized that people can leave her a voice message even when her phone is off. My mother has had a cell phone for over 10 years.
Chris Faulkner, UMass Amherst
My mom thinks that the shorter the text message, the less it costs, so I get a lot of text messages from her, like: "Are you going"..."To your friend's"..."House tonight?" We're on a family plan with limited text messages and every month she calls to complain about how high my texting bill is.
Molly M., Wells College
My dad writes reminders to himself on post it notes and sticks them to his computer monitor.
Muahaha Haha
My mom lives in constant fear that I'm going to be arrested because I "hacked into" Wikipedia.
Political Dan, Peking University
After a power outage, my mom calls the operator because, apparently, he is "the only one that knows the actual time."
Ryan M., University of Wisconsin-Stout
Half unsweetened iced tea, half lemonade. It's a drink called an "Arnold Palmer" -- named for the golfer whose love of the concoction made it popular.
But are any other drinks named for athletes? Yes. Many, in fact. And unlike an Arnold Palmer, they're all alcoholic drinks.
Consider trying all 14 this St. Patrick's Day!
- - - - -
JOHN DALY
Directions: Pour 14 cans of Busch Light into a bucket. Garnish with chicken wings.
- - - - -
BEN ROETHLISBERGER
Directions: Make a Sex On The Beach. Chase with a vigorous legal defense.
- - - - -
ALEXANDER OVECHKIN
Directions: Add one completely unnecessary shot of vodka to any drink.
- - - - -
TIM TEBOW
Directions: Fill a pint glass with vodka. Set aside for sterilization of circumcisions. Now pour glass of ice water and serve.
Have you been looking your whole life for an archive of Bea Arthur quotes, organized in a wonderfully simple fashion? Well friend, today is your day.
Also, you're strange.
Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com! 
In the summer when I'm home from college I work in a bakery for this crazy guy named Dan. On his way to work my he had slammed his finger in his car door and it had formed a gigantic puss bubble right behind his finger nail. If he squeezed the bubble he was able to shoot a stream of puss out from underneath his fingernail. He came into the bakery as we were mixing up a batch of blueberry muffins. He walked over towards me and tried to squirt me with his finger puss. I was able to avoid the stream but it went right into the batter that we had just mixed up. He refused to let us remake the batter and then proceeded to mix in the blueberries by hand. He claimed his puss would cook off in the oven. Righttt. Quite a few people unknowingly consumed about a tablespoon of this guys puss.
-Sam, NY
I worked in a warehouse for a summer and was frequently assigned ridiculous busy work. One time my boss had me clean the entire warehouse floor, but we didn't have a mop. I had to use a sponge.
-Anonymous
I used to work at an auto accessory store as a salesman and had a regular customer come in who was deaf. For some reason I was the only guy who he would "talk" to. One day he came in shortly after getting an alarm installed and said that it wasn't working. I could hear his siren blazing from a mile away.
-C. W., AK
Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg reunite on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon to perform viral classic "Lazy Sunday" live for the first time. Featuring The Roots and cameos by the other two Lonely Island Boys.
See More
They see me rollin', they hatin'
No soul AND no friends? That's terrible
They also would have responded if he pretended to be Steven Seagal
It's hard to tell when you've got the right amount of "noms"
Never trust a depressed whale
So hot. She's like Tabasco FOR YOUR EYES
That's What Bea Said
You know the economy is bad when cyborgs can't find work
Real-Life Rocky Wants to Overcome Adversity to Become World's Fattest Woman
Fun fact: Giant crabs make the best volleyball players
New SNL Digital Short: "Boombox"
Apocalypse GIF
This should prove once and for all that Picard is the superior captain
He'll also never let you down
You'd have more trouble finding 30 un-awesome images of Darth Vader
She's out of our league
Finally, someone on Chatroulette with some class!
March Hotness doesn't have quite the same ring to it
Mo impregnating mo problems
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