The High School Teacher
    You're fresh off the plane, train or automobile and this is the first person you see-- an old high school teacher. Oh god. He's just out of your social age range but you still have to call him Mr. Daniels, and no, you're not going call him K-Slice. The guy who busted you for smoking behind the dumpster looks like he just crawled out of one and he's looking for friendship. NO, you don't want any part of the Thanksgiving Potluck he's throwing in his one bedroom apartment.







    The Old Best Friend
    You guys promised to keep in touch with one another, but as soon as you threw your cap in the air you never spoke to him again. Your inevitable meeting is going to be awkward; and that gay thing that happened that one summer isn't just going to go away. You'll most likely bump in to this guy at the movies or at a place like The Olive Garden. Both times you'll be with your family and both times you'll have to fend off an accusatory line of questioning from you mother asking, "What happened to you two?" You'd like to respond by saying that he joined some lame frat and still dates that intolerable hose-beast Gloria from the Pizza Hut. Instead you just introspectively say that you grew apart. Now please pass the garlic bread.



    Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they use words like "MyFace,""SpaceBook,"or "The World Wide Web?"

    If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, submit it here!
    And thank God we'll never be as dumb as they are!

    Your parents' Call of Duty 2.

    At the mall, I saw an older woman with a home phone clipped to her pants.
    Sydney Sheloff

    My mom, after years of refusing to learn how to turn on our TV and surround sound, finally asked me to write everything down for her. I included a step that said, "shake the remote at least 100 times in order to charge." I came home from school several months later and she still hadn't realized that step was a joke.
    Dave Powell, Louisiana College

    My mom deletes what people write on her Facebook wall at the end of the day to "make room for more the next day."
    Lynn Donaldson, University of Texas

    My dad came to me saying he was gonna buy the new version of Windows, because it enabled touch screen. I had to explain to him that installing it just wouldn't turn his 5-year old CRT monitor into a "touchy" screen.
    Marcelo B

    My mom just sent me an email saying, "My email isn't working I don't think.. call me when you get this."
    Bobbi C.

    A Week Of Kindness

    A Week Of Kindness (Mike Still, Nate Kushner and Dan Hopper) first formed at Penn State University, and years later are still cranking out great comedy videos and live shows. The self-proclaimed 'life-changing' sketch trio is "For People Who Love Good Sketch Comedy, Hate Bad Sketch Comedy, and are Ambivalent About Average Sketch Comedy." We love Toothbrush, Profane Gourmet and the delightfully weird Horse Lift (pictured).

    See More
    cute college girl
    YearSenior
    SchoolMaria College
    If it was legal and socially acceptable, would you try human meat?
    No way! I only eat chicken.
    Thanksgiving is coming up, and you know what that means: it's time to break up.Whether you're a freshman who foolishly tried to keep a high school relationship going or you're a senior whose girlfriend suddenly decided she wanted to date someone "mature" and "employed," there's a pretty good chance you're getting dumped this holiday season. Just so you're not caught off guard, here are the emotional stages that you will undoubtably experience.

    1. Denial
    Immediately, you'll find yourself unable to understand why the relationship can't be salvaged. Well, for one you probably shouldn't have been "finishing up" Xbox Live for 3 hours when she came over those last few times. Whatever you do, don't set your facebook relationship status to "It's complicated". Everyone knows what that means.
    How To Cope
    Mope, mope, mope! To get the best out of your denial you'll need to torture yourself with as much solitary confinement as possible. How else can you accurately and repeatedly replay the happiest moments of your life when you had a girlfriend?



    2. Anger

    Eventually all those feelings you still have for your ex will gave way to pure irrational hatred. Phew! You'll be feeling resentful towards her for ever being selfish enough to dump you. I mean, what kind of bitch does that two weeks before your birthday? Bet she hadn't even thought to get you a present.
    How To Cope
    In this step, it's all about revenge. You know when her class schedule is, sneak into her room and smash stuff. Leave threatening notes. If she has any pets, killing them is a good idea. If possible, maim them instead to such an extent where she'll then have to kill them out of kindness. Double Whammy!
    Going home for Thanksgiving is great. Great, that is, unless your parents moved to a different town as soon as you left for college. But that's okay! You can still enjoy all the great traditions of going home for Thanksgiving...just, in a 'not home' way.

    Home Not Home

    Head to the local bar, where most of your senior class still congregates over Thanksgiving. Catch up with old friends, drink beers, and exchange looks over John Fibroni's new rattail.

    Head to the local bar and fake indignation that no one remembers you from the high school you didn't actually go to. Explain how you dropped out to get a record deal with your Guns N' Roses coverband, 'Rockin' on Heaven's Door.' Get belligerent.

    Catch up with an ex for a coffee and turn that coffee into naked coffee.
    See a cute girl at the video store and rack your brain for a funny, charming way to ask her out for coffee. Then remember that you rode there on your bike from middle school and leave quietly.

    Spend some quality time with your parents before meeting up with your buddies for your annual 'Wham Bam Thank You Yam' party.
    Spend some quality time with your parents, then play board games with your parents, then watch your mom's favorite movie ('The Lakehouse') with your parents. Then, just when you thought they were going to bed, get stuck in a two hour conversation about finances with your parents.

BFF
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