Dating, It's Complicated: Issue #97

Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me using this cool automatic submission form!

My boyfriend owns one Ed Hardy shirt that I HATE, but he absolutely loves. It’s one of the most awful ones with the “Love Kills Slowly” skull and banner on it. He’s not actually a douche bag, he’s just… misguided. I can’t tell him to his face that this shirt is ugly, and no matter the amount of hints I try to drop, he does not understand. The first time he was going to meet my friends he decided to wear this shirt. Since he doesn’t understand subtle hints and there is no way I could let my friends see him in this shirt, I decided to rely on my seductive prowess. I went down on him and with careful aim right before he was about to blow, I made sure that ugly f*cking shirt was never seen by anyone but myself that day… Since then I have attempted the same scheme three more times, they have all worked. I consider it a win-win.
-S

I went on a date with a girl once, the most memorable part being that she passed gas rather loudly. She didn’t talk to me after that for about 2 months, I figured, out of embarrassment. Eventually we talked again, and I asked her why we don’t hang out more. She said when she farted, she was “testing the waters” for my reaction, and me ignoring it became me not paying her any attention. She said Im too self-absorbed to hang out with her. The girl who farts as an ice breaker is setting standards.
-Sean

My now ex girlfriend asked me once how much I liked her on a scale of one to ten. Like a moron I a. answered the question, b. answered it honestly. She was pissed at me for about month after I told her I “only” liked her an 8.
-CS

I’ve lived with my bf for about a year now. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m not the loudest or kinkiest girl in the world. In fact, it plays to my benefit because whenever I want my bf to finish during sex, I pretend I’m really into it and beg him to do all the nasty things you’d find a porn star saying in a video. Apparently this works wonders because within 2 minutes, he’s done, and I can go back to watching my shows or go back to sleep.
-Kathy

My girlfriend and I go to different schools seperated by 600 miles, so needless to say, we don’t see each other much. This spring break was the first time we’d seen each other since Christmas. During the first two days we were together, we basically did nothing but have sex, leaving her pretty tender and swollen. However, she was determined to cram as much sex as possible into our time together. The lengths she went to try and have sex with out me hurting her were ridiculous and included using an entire bottle of lube, trying to stick it in while still soft and letting it “inflate like a balloon” and my personal favorite- filling a condom full of ice and icing her vagina. This girl just might kill me…
-Ali

I had been broken up with my ex for a like 6 months, and one day I got really horny, and I called him over for sex. 5 minutes into it, he asked me if I missed him, and I answered “some parts.” Apparently he thought I wanted to get back together, even though I thought I made it clear I just wanted sex. He got emotional, stopped, got dressed and went home, it was so awkward, and I was still horny!
-EC

Every letter I type into the address bar comes up with a porn site on at least the 4th suggestion.
-Louis