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Caldwell Tanner
What You're Saying with Your Drink Choice
By
Caldwell Tanner
What You’re Saying with Your Drink Choice *Scotch: Look at how sophisticated and mysterious I am. *Whiskey: Wait, is whiskey different from scotch? *Bourbon: Honestly these all taste terrible and I can’t tell the difference between them *Tequila Shots: PLEASE VALIDATE MY COOLNESS *Jåger Shots: I ALSO NEED VALIDATION BUT TEQUILA TASTES GROSS *Martini: This doesn’t really work if I’m not wearing a tuxedo, does it? *Vodka + Soda: I’m just trying to get drunk - Vodka + Diet Soda: I’m just trying to get drunk while pretending I care about my body *Vodka Red Bull: I’m just trying to get DRUNKER THAN EVERYONE HAS EVER BEEN. *Vodka Cranberry: I’m a girl. *Lite Beer: I’m here to party *Regular Beer: I’m here to have a good time *Fancy Beer: Why am I even here *Fancy Cocktail: I’M INTERESTING *Gin +Tonic: I’m boring *Bloody Mary: I’m hungover *Soda: I’m taking one for the team by driving tonight!! *Water: I’m only here because I’m driving tonight.
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