A Guide to Summer Migratory Species

by Hallie Cantor on August 24, 2012

TheThe Red-Cheeked Camper (picture of kid with backpack, Camp Kitchewa hat and t-shirt, pee-stained shorts) Identifying Marks: baseball caps, urine stains, grass stains, all other stains. Destination: Camp. Winter Habitat: School. Natural enemies: Bullies Call: “Do we HAVE to?” The Touring Teen (an annoying teen texting) Identifying marks: straightened hair, digital cameras, flip-flops on males Destination: Anywhere they can ignore local culture to hook up with each other. Winter Habitat: Sweet Sixteen parties. Natural enemies: Their counselors Call: “BBM me.” The Blue-Blooded Hamptonite (thin 20something woman, sunglasses, beach bag) Identifying marks: tote bags, tickets to the theater. Destination: A beach house they forgot didn’t have air conditioning. Winter habitat: Apartments close to farmers markets. Natural enemies: The owners of the house they’re renting Call: “Let’s get there Saturday morning and go home Saturday night to beat the traffic.” The Elderly Warbler (an old person) Identifying Marks: monochromatic track suits, age. Destination: Florida Winter Habitat: Large cities with well-equipped hospitals. Natural enemies: Restaurants that don’t provide doggy bags Call: “Bring a cardigan.” The Road Trippers (a family in car, kids fighting in the backseat) Identifying marks: crumpled road maps, a GameBoy DS, a scotch tape line dividing the backseat Destination: the Grand Canyon Winter Habitat: Driving to soccer practice. Natural enemies: Each other. Call: “I have to pee.”

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