Illustrated by Matthew Sargent
More By
Tom Philip
How to Reverse a Gypsy's Spell
By
Tom Philip
FIRST PANEL: Identifying the Curse You may show some or all of these symptoms if you’ve been hexed by a gypsy. Remember: there’s no shame in it. It happens to lots of guys. 1. Extreme Weight Gain - Pic: Guy looking down at a dangerously swelling belly. 2. Eternally Hair-Clogged Drainpipes - Pic: Guy in bathroom despairingly tearing out more and more hair from his drainpipes, it’s bursting out of the shower, the sink, the faucet. 3. Your Best Friends Are Turned Against You -Pic: Guy with his arm around the gypsy is glared at by friend-types, who are being ignored. 4. because you hang out with HER friends all the time Pic: Guy sitting in a bar in a huff, surrounded by several gypsies, all drinking and laughing. SECOND PANEL: Controlling the Curse 1. Keep Tabs on the Gypsy lest she curse another victim or go on that Hawaiian vacation you already paid for with somebody else. Pic: Guy on his computer, checking out the Gypsy’s facebook page, whose name appears to be Jennifer. 2. Try to Have Weird, Casual Sex With Strangers because who knows? That might be the cure for curses or something. Pic: Guy at a club dancing all up on some booty. 3. Stop Showering. Life is meaningless and you don’t deserve to feel clean. Pic: Guy crying on the floor of his bathroom. 4. Continue Spiraling Into Debilitating Depression ad infinitum Pic: Guy is watching “New Girl” THIRD PANEL: Reverse the Curse 1. Meet Someone New. Most curses are revoked after you become a good person again, so get to know someone. Throw caution to the wind. Bare your soul. Call her several times nightly after the first date. Pic: Guy and nice, normal looking girl at a table on a date. Guy is clutching gurl’s hands and looking really needy. Girl’s not into it. 2. Never Mind That That Didn’t Work Out Pic: Guy watching “New Girl, but this time his laptop’s open, too, also showing “New Girl”. 3. Track Down That Awful Witch And Demand She Remove The Curse Pic: Guy at a door, he’s dressed in a suit and has flowers. 4. Apologise for Cheating on Her With Her Sister at Thanksgiving Pic: Guy is on his knees, crying, pleading with a normal-looking girl who is unmistakably the gypsy but without all the garb. She’s embarrassed. FOURTH PANEL: The Curse Has Been Lifted! 1. Congratulations! You have overcome the wicked spell. Pic: Guy giving two thumbs up. 2. Now maybe let’s take a bath and send out some resumes? Pic: Guy is in same position as previous picture, but looks to be crying again, already. 3. Enjoy Your Freedom Pic: Guy is watching “New Girl”
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