For a land that's full of magic swords and stuff, you'd think someone in Middle Earth would have invented hand rails.

— Mike Trapp (@MikeWTrapp) December 17, 2012

student council, time to pick a prom theme: A) a night in paris B) what if pokemon were real C) what about digimon huh D) all of the above

— Andrew Bridgsanta (@AndyBridgman) December 17, 2012

It's goddamn ridiculous that in some states men still can't marry men and women can't marry beds

— Hallie Cantor (@halliecantor) December 19, 2012

I'm a real gentleman, which pretty much just means I'll write "haha" instead of "stop emailing me"

— Tom Philip (@tommphilip) December 20, 2012

I'd really prefer to vote for my right to party.

— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) December 17, 2012

really glad santacon is being held on that enclosed quarantine freighter hundreds of miles off shore this year

— Will Stephen (@will_stephen) December 15, 2012

One of these days I am going to eat that fucking freshness packet.

— Adam Conover(@adamconover) December 18, 2012

My gym flooded after the hurricane. They shut down for a month, when really they could have just announced the swimming pool was expanding.

— Owen Parsons (@owenBparsons) December 8, 2012

All cats in Minnesota should be named Joe Meower.

— Dan Hopper (@DanHopp) December 15, 2012

Taking my turn in an iPhone game has become my not-so-subtle way of telling my friends that I'm currently pooping.

— H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) December 18, 2012