For a land that's full of magic swords and stuff, you'd think someone in Middle Earth would have invented hand rails.
Mike Trapp (@MikeWTrapp) December 17, 2012
student council, time to pick a prom theme: A) a night in paris B) what if pokemon were real C) what about digimon huh D) all of the above
Andrew Bridgsanta (@AndyBridgman) December 17, 2012
It's goddamn ridiculous that in some states men still can't marry men and women can't marry beds
Hallie Cantor (@halliecantor) December 19, 2012
I'm a real gentleman, which pretty much just means I'll write "haha" instead of "stop emailing me"
Tom Philip (@tommphilip) December 20, 2012
I'd really prefer to vote for my right to party.
Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) December 17, 2012
really glad santacon is being held on that enclosed quarantine freighter hundreds of miles off shore this year
Will Stephen (@will_stephen) December 15, 2012
One of these days I am going to eat that fucking freshness packet.
Adam Conover(@adamconover) December 18, 2012
My gym flooded after the hurricane. They shut down for a month, when really they could have just announced the swimming pool was expanding.
Owen Parsons (@owenBparsons) December 8, 2012
All cats in Minnesota should be named Joe Meower.
Dan Hopper (@DanHopp) December 15, 2012
Taking my turn in an iPhone game has become my not-so-subtle way of telling my friends that I'm currently pooping.
H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) December 18, 2012
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