Deciding to go to the gym is by itself an impossible mission, but if it's raining outside it's time to start trying to find logic in your lame excuses. "If I go outside in the rain, I'll get sick. Then I couldn't go the gym all week. So I'd probably get MORE exercise done if you WON'T go today". Yep. Great deduction, pudgy.
The Sandwich. Since the 1700's man has been in constant battles with himself, trying to pick what food to jam inside his brilliant edible plate known as bread. But the choices were too many, and this wonderful gift quickly became a curse. So many times I had prepared my bun, slicing it in the middle and then going to the fridge, where I remained stuck. What should I put in there? I could go with salami, but I also like tuna and those don't mix. The sandwich tried to make everyone into a chef. But the art of mixing is a tough one, and when you try and do it yourself you either get stuck with a crappy version of a BLT, or worse- A Meat/Fish/vegetable/Peanut butter mixture from Hades.
We've all been there. Spotting someone you used to know and having to make the choice whether to say hello, or cross the street trying to avoid them. This is not only a tough decision, but a quick one. Usually it has to be done within several seconds, or else it's too late. Then you're stuck with, like, 5 9 minutes of awkward small talk. "Yes, it is indeed a hot weather we're having, Mike". I did NOT miss Mike.
Loyalty can be hard. We often feel like we must continue doing something we once enjoyed, but has turned into a burden. Like watching How I Met Your Mother. Much like a good relationship gone bad, we try to hold on to the good times, even though we know it's not good for us anymore. Letting go of a TV show is hard, because you're always going to convince yourself that "The next episode could be as good as the first seasons", or "It's gonna be over next year, I might as well keep watching". Don't. There is no mother, The island means nothing, and it's not going to refresh the show now that the lead actor has been replaced by David Spade.
Oh My God- What If Natalie Portman would really love my web comic if she could only see it? I better tag her on my Twitter post, and maybe she'll notice it, recommend it and I could be famous? But what if she doesn't like it? She'll think I'm a fool! Bothering her with my pathetic punch line drawings. She'll tell all her celebrity friends to ignore me. That's why I never see anyone famous on the street- they're avoiding me! But wait, Natalie and I are both jewish. She would love to see the strip about my trip to Jerusalem!
Pasta is really tough to measure. When it's dry it never looks like it's going to be enough to satisfy your hunger. Only after it's ready you seem to realize what a massive quantity of cooked noodles you have on your hands. Pasta is really heavy, and it tastes really bad if you refrigerate it and re-heat it the next day. The man who will invent the single-dish pasta package will be a very rich one.
There comes a time in your life where you just can't seem to park your car in the garage anymore because it's filled with boxes. Some of those boxes are important because they contain your receipts for if you ever have to get audited. Some of the other boxes have more of a sentimental importance. These are the ones containing your childhood playthings. Your WWF Bret Hart action figure, your water gun still equipped with some very, very stale and bacteria filled water. Even your freaky-scary cabbage patch babies (if you didn't throw those out as soon as you got them). The decision to throw out these toys or give them to charity (again, not the Cabbage Patch please. Those kids have it hard enough as it is) is equivalent to saying goodbye to your inner child and accepting yourself as an adult. And that's a dramatic decision to make. Ask Pixar, they made three whole movies about it.
Dear god, Ryan Reynolds. Kudos for being able to make that decision.