5. The Simpsons
The hardest thing about writing this article has been reconciling myself with the fact I belong to some of these groups. Everything bad here I write about The Simpsons' fandom-their unearned superiority, their opinions about when "it all started to go downhill", the fact they won't stop fucking shouting "DENTAL PLAN!" sometimes-all reflect on myself and my shortcomings as well. Maybe I should have kept this purely about the show, but that's just the kind of obnoxious self-absorption you're going to get with a Simpsons fan.
4. The Big Bang Theory
The main issue with the idea that The Big Bang Theory has a large, devoted fanbase is simply that the show's not very good. The way people's faces light up when they talk about Sheldon's latest wisecrack, you'd think they're talking about something their own kid did, or at least that it happened on like Mad Men or something. But it didn't. It happened on a middle of the road laugh-track sitcom that does for smart people what Mike and Molly did for fat people.
3. Adventure Time
There's just something vaguely creepy about liking Adventure Time, mostly because it invites people who aren't children to behave like children. A colourful cartoon about a kid and a magic dog, of whom there are huge varieties of dolls and toys to buy, instilling a sense of positivity and wonder into the hearts of people who are out of middle school? Creepy.
At the risk of being too broadly critical: musicals are stupid. You can't write a TV show/movie/play and have everyone repeatedly drop what they're doing just to repeat a few certain phrases and harp on at one particular point for 5 minutes at a time. That's not a story. That's just wasting time. If Glee got rid of all its songs-the vast majority of which weren't even written with any relation to the plot of the show in mind-you'd have about one season's worth of a mediocre high school melodrama. There's all the potential there for a well-meaning Jane Lynch caper sitcom, but because Gleeks (in fairness, I bet they hate that name as much as we do) can't up and buy a CD from time to time, it's a hope we had to let die a long time ago, as well as Party Down. You monsters.
Now, it's to be expected that a "show on the CW Network about hot dudes chasing ghosts monsters, some of which are sexy and whatever"* might inspire one or two risqué fanfiction pieces, but wow, guys. Say what you will about the show, but its fans don't let a little thing like being brothers/being a different species/belonging to a different dimensional plane get in the way of a good steamy romp, nor do they let a little thing like "Executive Producer: McG" stand in the way of watching something for 8 seasons.
*That was most likely the exact pitch.