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8 New Punctuation Marks We Desperately Need
By
Mike Trapp
The “I’m Not Angry” Mark: When you need to be brief, but you’re not you’re not angry.
Looks like a tiny U or smile, but sits in the same place that periods and commas do.
“We need to talk[insert mark]
The Sinceriod: Use when you want to break out of your cycnical shell and be truly honest with someone.
Looks like an underlined period.
“Oh, wow. Thank you. This sweater is just what I wanted.”
Sarcastises: The opposite of the sinceriod. Use when you want to be sarcastic, but in a way that’s {totally different and better from whatever system you’re using now.}
Looks like jagged parenthesis.
“{Oh wow. Thank you. This sweater is just what I wanted.}”
Hemi-Demi-Semi Colon: If you don’t know when it’s appropriate to use a semi-colon, and you’re too lazy to learn, you can use this in place of commas, semi-colons, and periods. Pretty much wherever you feel like it.
Looks like a semi-colon nested inside a semi-colon (two dots on top, two commas on the bottom)
“Now I can act superior and avoid learning anything;; I’m a stain on humanity”
Andorpersand: One simple symbol for “and/or”
Looks like an ampersand with an additional loop.
“Some people hate the very existence of the phrase “and/or,” but these people are uptight [&or] stupid.”
Mockwotation Marks: For quoting something that someone didn’t say, but totally would say with the way they’re being right now. The written equivalent of doing an impression of someone by saying “Look at me, I’m so-and-so” and wiggling your hands by your head, and speaking in a high-pitched voice.
Looks like quotation marks with little hands on them.
[“]I’m Stacey. I’m going to complain about being hungry but not offer any suggestions of my own.[“] said Stacey.
Superellipsis: For an extreme dramatic pause. When you want the reader to wait a good 20 seconds before reading the next part of the sentence. Maybe even imagine the lights flickering and some thunder crashing.
Looks like an ellipsis whose points get gradually bigger.
“He paused, cautiously, as he approached the superellipsis. On the other side he found . . . more words!
Morgan Freemark: Reminds readers that they can read words in any voice they want, so maybe they should read these words in Morgan Freeman’s voice.
Morgan Freeman’s head, as simple as possible.
“[mark]And so, Kevin took this big swig of vodka and straight-up ran head-first into the wall.[mark]”
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