Pioneers in Immaturity: The Hand Vagina

Christian Jones is not a name you might recognize, but he has had a profound impact on history. A world-renowned shadow puppeteer in his time, Jones’s contribution to this world was stumbled across by chance.

“I was just sitting in my house, trying to come up with exciting new two person shadow puppets with my wife, Judith,” Jones, 86, said. “We were improvising and she was doing a crocodile. I thought that looked like fun so I also pretended to be a crocodile that was eating her crocodile. We did some playful crocodile wrestling, as us hand puppeteers are prone to do. The rest is history…”

Jones’s discovery was published in the magazine Modern Shadower. It sent shock waves through the shadow puppet community, prompting other adventurous puppeteers to try their “hand” in making their own anatomical parts. Despite these innovator’s best efforts, the “hand wang” and “hand scrotum” both failed miserably- possibly lending gravitas to the staying power of Jones’s discovery.

“It wasn’t much to look at as a shadow,” wrote Jones in his autobiography Four Hands, One Vagina. “So after performing at a party, I’d show some of the older kids what I’d discovered. They all seemed to get a kick out of it.” Jones attributes the success of the Hand Vagina to those excitable teens, “They must’ve been vagina-ing clear across town.”

The hand vagina skyrocketed amongst teens as a fun, new way to look at the female anatomy, or at least a close copy.

But the Hand Vagina isn’t just for laughs. “That little trick really got Judith and I through some rough times after her Hysterectomy.”

So here’s to you, Christian Jones. Thanks to your discovery, people everywhere can sneak a glimpse of vagina. You truly are a pioneer in immaturity.