An American heading to Canada to represent Italy

by Mike Birbiglia on June 30, 2006

Dear Journal,

This week I'm heading to St. Louis, then off to the Montreal Comedy Festival"¦I love the festival, but this time they've asked me to be in the Italian-themed show. So I'm an American going to Canada to represent Italy. Now here's where I feel like a fraud. My family is not really even Italian. We're like Olive-Garden Italian. We don't serve prosciutto; we serve unlimited salad and breadsticks"”with a lovely white zinfandel. My parents actually eat at the Olive Garden and to make matters worse, my dad shows off by trying to pronounce menu items correctly. He'll be like "I'll have pasta frigiolo." I'm like, "We're sitting in a strip mall in Hyannis, Massachusetts. You'll have the bean soup with noodles."

So I'm going to be in this lineup full of very Italian acts, the kind of guys who pair up real stereotypes with fake relatives. Meanwhile, I'm going to get up and tell my stories about sleepwalking and panda bears, and these guys are going to be like "Sleepwalkin'? My uncle Enzo would have you sleepwalk with the fishes."

"You don't have an Uncle Enzo."

"Yea, and I also don't talk like this is real life. Badda bing, badda boom!"

So I'm going to be very out of place in this show, because literally, the only thing about me that's Italian is my last name. That's been a stigma throughout my career. When I was starting out, I remember an emcee saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mike Bahousky!!!" I was like, "You didn't even try to pronounce it correctly. The only thing you got right was the b." I remember showing up at a college and seeing signs that said "Tonight, comedian MIKE BRIGGLEBEE!" Man, were those Brigglebee fans disappointed when they discovered that Brigglebee had cancelled and unknown Italian comedian Mike Birbiglia had filled in.

I've also had nights where people come to my show expecting to see a very macho Italian act and were sorely disappointed. I remember doing a show in New Jersey where this real Italian guy came up to me after the show and was like, "You know what's really funny? Me." And I was like, "No. what's really funny is me making fun of you."

So there was a point in my career where I considered changing my name. I considered changing it to John Birbiglia or Jean Claude Van Damme Birbiglia. But I decided to stick it out because, after all, I'm an American. And America is a melting pot filled with gobs of hot asiago cheese to pour over my pasta with shrimp with all the breadsticks and salad I can eat, all for $8.95, (locations may vary).

I am an American heading to Montreal to represent people who enjoy fake ethnic restaurants and also people who enjoy getting free trips. And that concludes this week's entry in my secret public journal.