Danny Tanner: Hey there Bobby!
Bob Saget: Shut up faggot.
Danny: Now there's no need for that Bob, apologize.
Bob: Suck a nut.
Danny: There really is no getting through to you.
Bob: You piss me off Tanner.
Danny: Why? Let's talk about it.
Bob: You made me look like a sissy.
Danny: If raising three lovely daughters makes me a sissy, then darnit I'm a sissy.
Bob: (groans) I don't see how you ever had a wife, pussbot.
Danny: It was love.
Bob: Is that why she left you?
Danny: She died.
Bob: I killed her.
Danny: Now that's uncalled for Bob.
Bob: So is this! (pulls out his testicles and starts spinning them)
(awkward silence)
Bob: I remember one time you were about to hook up with some hot piece of ass in her apartment, but ended up cleaning the place instead.
Danny: So?
Bob: So...that's so gay. I would've been on that like fat on D.J.
Danny: Beauty is on the inside Bob.
Bob: So you agree, she's fat?
Danny: I didn't say that!
Bob: You should've banged Rebecca when you had the chance.
Danny: That's Jesse's girl.
Bob: So?
Danny: You're awful.
Bob: What about Michelle, she got way hot.
Danny: She's my daugher for crying out loud!
Bob: I'd pork her WHILE f-blasting Gibbler ON your dead wife's bed. Then I'd bust on her white sheets.
Danny: Not the white sheets! That'd take forever to get out.
Bob: Neatfreak fag. Bang a Dustbuster.
Danny: That doesn't even make sense.
Bob: Where's Gibbler, I'm horny.
Danny: I hope you're not having sexual intercourse with that young girl.
Bob: Are you kidding? I wouldn't bang Gibbler with your dick.
Danny: We have the same penis.
Bob: Mine works though.
(Danny shakes his head)
Bob: I'm not a douche bag, but I played one on T.V.
(Danny shakes his head)
Bob: Get it? Get it? Because you're a douche bag.
Danny: I get it. Not funny, it's just mean. Really, really mean.
Bob: Tell Joey he's a loser too. Guy can do a Bullwinkle and Popeye, get some new impressions in your repertoire, stupid fat idiot wears that Red Wings jersey like it's glued to his freeloading back.
Danny: Why are you so dirty?
Bob: Because I can be! (Pulls a load out of his pants and throws it against wall)
Danny: You're a pretty sick man. What're you doing with your life? You used to be wholesome - a father figure to millions of children. Group hug?
Bob: (breaking down/ cue cheesy Full House music) I don't know what else to do.
Danny: Be good. Be clean. Be a kind, sensitive human being.
Bob: (tearing up) I can't!
Danny: You can do anything you set your mind to Bob.
Bob: (looks up with crazy manic look) Could I bring your dead wife back to life?
(Danny exits room in disgust)
by Katie Marino at University of Pittsburgh
by Jeff Rosenberg at NYU
by Katie Marino at University of Pittsburgh
the iPad is so stupid that the number of comedy possibilities is just... astounding.
Gmail, Firefox, YouPorn and more speak up to keep you from doing your work.
The Black Ranger is black... the Yellow Ranger is Asian... uh oh.
Look out for d-bags and children on leashes.
Why stop yourself from having sex with your mom, when you can make it a threesome?
Make sure you know what you're really eating this Valentine's Day. $('#chocolate').translate({ 'tag_name': 'span' }); !split Illu
It's like a TV show that makes you want to buy body wash.
It's probably just the microphone. I'm sure this transvestite usually sounds lovely.
Recording...
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
MySpace
