Why I Slept Alone a lot in College.

by Mindy Raf on May 25, 2007

or . . .

Things I said Aloud to Boys 1998-2002

I think I'm a combination of Carrie and Miranda. Though sometimes I'm Charlotte. I guess I'm all three. But not Samantha.

I just learned in my Women's Studies class why we wear lipstick. Cause see how my lips are all red and glossy? Okay so look, if I turn my head sideways . . .hello?! A vagina! God, it's so obvious.

I just dyed my hair from "cherry bark" to "cranberry" and I'm thinking it was a mistake. Right? What do you think? Does it look natural?

No, I can't sit through a whole football game. Besides, football is just a barbaric example of man's pathetic need for violence.

No, we're not having sex on my futon with my roommate sleeping right up there. And, like, I don't even know you.

I bet I can eat a whole medium pizza faster than you.

I bet I can eat a whole loaf of bread faster than you.

I bet I weigh more than you.

Sorry you lost dude! I was on a bowling league when I was younger. Sucka! You lose, big time!

I'm not an object, I'm a person. I'm a whole person!

Well I didn't think we were just hooking up, I thought we were dating!

Well fine, then I'm breaking up with...hooking up with you!

When I was little I used to pretend I was in the cast of Growing Pains.

I think the first guy I had a crush on was Gobo Fraggle. I know he's a Muppet, but I thought he was hot.

Well as long as you have a good book to read you can never be lonely.

I love Animal Planet too! It's crazy that male kangaroos have forked penises because female kangaroos have double vaginas!

I don't know why, but I've never dated a Jewish guy. I guess I'm just not attracted to them. No, not you! You're different.

I feel like if I would have developed breasts later in life, they'd be a lot higher right now.

Why don't we just take things slow.

Wanna see me make the ugliest face ever?!

**********************************

For more writing and a show schedule go to

Mindy's Blog

Fan/Hate mail:

mindy@mindyraf.com

Booking:

booking@mindyraf.com

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