The Center Urinal

by Tripp on July 16, 2007
 

There are few things more pompous than a man who chooses the center urinal in an empty bathroom.   What sick thoughts must go through the man’s head upon choosing that iconic symbol in which to expend their previous drinks that day? Is it a question of symmetry? Is it the daunting idea, that perhaps the their precious fluids will go straight down through the pipes entering the sewer systems on a safer, more direct route, rather than twisting and turning through the back alleys and side streets of plumbing, fearing what lay beyond each bend? Surely this surly man cannot choose this urinal by accident? What kind of fool would haphazardly urinate in any urinal?

The truth behind public restroom use is that it is not nearly as simple as one might think. When a man enters a restroom, his eyes scan the room noticing his surroundings. Sinks are on the right, mirrors securely fastened above the cleansing bowls, blow dryers or paper towel dispensers and garbage cans on the left (depending on the funding of that particular public bathroom), and there are the toilets directly ahead. The mans eyes will incredulously inspect every urinal, and then lock endearingly onto the perfect toilet and for some select people, that perfect porcelain drain is located in between equal numbers of similar apparatuses on the respective flanks. But why?
Not unlike Einstein’s theory of relativity, this issue is very difficult to understand. You see, there is no solid evidence, there is no accredited theory, and there are no documentaries on the discovery channel. There is only me, a self righteous center urinal user. Oh what a cruel twist of fate! That I should be guilty what I described as pompous and daunting. And what is it that I could possibly say that can justify my actions? I’m not sure, but I do know, that if I can’t get the center urinal, if it is being used by another big headed CUU (center urinal user), that I want to make someone feel the same way, and that means using the handicap stall.       
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Tripp

Tripp

Northern Michigan

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