ME: Trick or treat!
NEIGHBOR: Owwwww!!!Who dares disturbthis werewolf from his slumber? Ah,what have we here? A tasty little boy for me to devour!
ME: Daddy, I'm scared!
DAD: (Laughing.)Everything's OK, Patrick. It's just one of our neighbors getting into the Haloween spirit.
NEIGHBOR: No, listen not to your father, young one. I am as real as the night. And twice as deadly. And all who trespass upon this forsaken land will feel the grip of my razor-sharp claws.
ME: (Screams.)
DAD: No, no. Heh. He's just pretending, Patrick. Really. (to neighbor) Hey buddy, why don't you be a sport and take the getup off so my kid can see you?
ME: Why are you talking to a werewolf, Daddy?
NEIGHBOR: He is pleading for your infant soul, daywalker. Trying to spare you a slow, excruciating death as I tear the flesh from your bones.
ME: Ahhhhhh!
NEIGHBOR: Jesus! Can you tone it downa bit? He's onlysix, for Christ's sake!
NEIGHBOR: I will gouge out the lad's eyes and suck the sweet, baptised blood from his writhing body. Then dance 'round a bonfire of harlots and ginger branches with a harem ofnaked wiccans.
DAD: That's it, pal. I'm gonna break your ass --
NEIGHBOR: Argh! The Thirst! Will it never be quenched?! My belly is filled with manflesh, yet the hunger... the hunger remains.
DAD: Let's try the next house, Patrick.
NEIGHBOR: Yes, heed your father's words, daywalker. Flee as fast as your mortal legs will scamper! But here, take this pistol -- the Blood Moon rises as the Witching Hour draws near. Should I turn, please, put me out of my eternal misery.
by Mindy Raf
by Patrick Cassels at Purchase College
by Mike Birbiglia at Georgetown
"ur just jelly cuz ur a ghost and can't tap that"
Amir launches the first aerial attack in the war's four year history.
A funny picture from CollegeHumor
Recording...
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