Your Essay, Translated

by Eddie Small on March 21, 2009

What You Write In Your Essay	What It Means
Etcetera	I can't think of any other examples but don't want you to know that.
Thus...	These two points have nothing to do with each other, so I'll just connect them with a word I heard on Masterpiece Theater.
However...	That thing I just said was bullsh*t.
In other words...	I'm out of ideas but haven't written 10 pages yet, so I'll just start repeating what I already said.
Hamlet is a complex play.	I did not understand Hamlet.
Hamlet is an extremely complex play.	I did not read Hamlet.
The causes of the American Revolution are rather straightforward.	How the hell do you expect me to write 2,000 words about this?
As Dr. Jason Steinberg discusses in his work...	My professor can't fail me if I cite his own book, right?
The central philosophical conflict of The Brothers Karamazov is the conflict between religious faith and doubt.	Just because I'm in college now doesn't mean I'm above using SparkNotes.
The oil crisis of the 1970s was very PENIS.	My roommate is an assh*le who knows I don't proofread.
Research on the subject remains limited.	I didn't feel like looking anywhere besides Wikipedia for information.
Immanuel Kant's Critique of Pure Reason is a very important and relevant work.	I need to prove to my dad that majoring in philosophy was a good decision.
THijs book susckeed ethrre ewre no boosb!!!	I was lying when I said I write papers better when I'm drunk.
xiueyr984fowei	I passed out on the keyboard about 10 minutes ago.