Aragorn Goes to My High School

by Jake Hurwitz on April 02, 2009

Auta miqula orqu.

Teacher: So who can tell me when the war of 1812 ended?
Jake: Um, was it 1-
Aragorn: I do not know what strength is in my blood, but I swear to you I will not let the White City fall, nor our people fail.
Jake: I was gonna say-
Teacher: Let Aragorn finish.
Jake: But he obviously doesn't know the answer...
Aragorn: Be at peace, Son of Gondor.
Teacher: Aragorn you get to be Valedictorian!

................................

Jake: Hey, Jessica... Um. Hi. I was wondering if. Do you wanna go to the prom with-
Aragorn: Lady Jessica. When we first met, I thought I had wandered into a dream.
Jessica: Oh... Aragorn.
Aragorn: Bind yourself to me, forsaking the immortal life of your people. And let me escort you to the Junior Prom.
Jessica: I'm going to french you on the tongue.
Jake: What did he say about binding?

................................

Jake: Okay guys. We're uh. We're down 15 but come on! We have the whole second half my dudes! Let's um. Let's play defense. Rebound. We're gonna-
Aragorn: Hold your ground, hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me.
Jake: Gondor?
Aragorn: A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day.

Aragorn brandishes a sword. Everyone erupts in cheers.

Jake: Whoa. You are not allowed to have that in school.

Horn blows. Everyone runs out of the locker room.

................................

Jake: Man, Trevor, this bus takes forever to come. Am I right or what?
Trevor: I dunno. Shut up.

Aragorn arrives on horseback.

Aragorn: The Uruk-Hai's pace has quickened. They must have caught our scent. Hurry!

Trevor jumps on.

Jake: Tre? What are you doing?
Aragorn: I do not fear death.

Likes 524 I like it

Recording...