Roommate Confessions

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

Freshman year I had a lazy-ass roommate who never cleaned, who's trash always ended up on my side of the room. Not only did this piss me off, but his snoring kept me up every night. So, if you're wondering why you used to wake up with welts in the morning? I played target practice on your big ass every night with solid shot from my CO2 airsoft gun. Made me feel a little better about the situation.
D.B., Baylor

Remember how your creepy vegan girlfriend put ipecac in all the meat in our fridge? Yeah, remember how then she got the flu almost monthly for 2 months? And when you started eating at her place you did too? You'd be AMAZED how much ipecac, diuretic, laxative, and veal-juices are soaked up by a single vegan lasagna! Find a new girl, and enjoy that veal soaked fatty vomit and crap inducing lasagna!
Brian A., School Not Given

Remember that time we invited you on that road trip? Well that was just because we needed a car, and you seemed like a nice enough kid. However, you fell asleep and skipped out on your turn to drive... twice. Well, Brad had to piss so he dumped your mountain dew out the window and used that, so that's why it tasted funny. Next time don't bitch out on driving.
Joe Sparr, School Not Given

Whenever I have to fart, I walk into your room, drop trou, and let loose right on your pillow. I'm not a bad guy, but you're the kind of person who craps gold and is upset he doesn't piss diamonds. Stop complaining about getting B's on your tests.
J Heywood, Clemson

About two months ago, I was with my roommate at a party, and we both saw a girl that we immediately liked. She was fun, outgoing, and of course, smoking hot. Since neither one of us was about to let the other just have her, we decided to have a little competition over her. Over the course of a week we both used our best game on her. Eventually I won, because my roommate is fat and kind of a tool. He was really pissed at me for it. To exact revenge, he went through my wallet a couple of hours before I was supposed to go on a date with her, found my condom, and proceeded to poke holes in it. When I discovered my ruined condom, I was at first a little pissed, but then I decided that the mature thing to do was to scare the living shit out of him. The holes were small, so he had attached a note saying "Looks like neither one of us is going to bone Jenny tonight," so I removed the note, took out the condom, and, with the help of Jenny, filled it up. I then went back to my room and tossed it to him, pretending like there was nothing wrong. He saw my load leak out of the holes and freaked out, asking what I did with her. Again I acted nonchalant about it, and said that we had sex. He started to panic and confessed to messing up the condom, and I faked being incredibly pissed at him. Then i stormed out of the room. Three days later, Jenny (who thought the entire situation was hilarious and wanted to be a part of it) called my roommate and started to pretend to cry, claiming that I was forcing her to have an abortion. I'm still going out with Jenny and my roommate is still paying me back the $340 it cost for the abortion she never had.
Chris Oney, School Not Given

Submit yours here!