New Sim On the Block

by Andrew B. on October 28, 2009

Bill: Hello, new acquaintance.

Dave: Hey, neighbor, can I ask you something?

Bill: City hall. Rain cloud. Dollar sign.

Dave: Um, yeah. Listen, I really need a friend. My boss says I can't get promoted until I get one and learn something about cooking. Life in politics is not what I imagined.

Bill: Soccer ball. Earth. Ghost!

Dave: Uh...huh.

Bill: I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!

Pause.

Dave: So....you watch any sports or anything?

Bill: Backrub?

Dave: Um, no thanks. I only ask because my TV only gets four channels, and they all speak this non-sense jibberish language. It's so weird.

Bill: Backrub?

Dave: Uh, still no, thanks.

Bill: Tickle!

Dave: Haaaa...very funny. That was not at all awkward.

Bill: We're friends now.

Dave: Jeez, really? Okay, whatever you say. I dunno how I'm supposed to prove that to my boss. Would you mind signing something?

Bill: I'm going to hug you now.

Dave: No thanks there, buddy. Just...sign this piece of paper?

Bill: Would you like to dance?

Dave: On your lawn? Not really. I don't even know your name.

Bill: We're not friends anymore.

Dave: Jeez. That's kinda sudden.

Bill: I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!

Pause.

Dave: Right. Of course you do. So I guess I'll be going...

Bill: I'm going to study cooking and then make macaroni and then take a shower and then give you a backrub and then work out and then go to sleep.

Dave: That's great. Hey, do you know what these things over our heads are supposed to be? I'm terrified that one day it'll just fall and crack my skull open- WHOA. Did you just...piss yourself?

Bill: I'm sad that I peed on the ground.

Dave: Ew. Is that...blue? Did you pee blue?

Bill: AHHHHH! SOMETHING IS ON FIRE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE!!! I HAVE TO GO STAND NEXT TO IT AND SCREAM!

Bill runs off.

Dave: Crap, well, maybe I'll go for a swim. Hope the ladders don't mysteriously disappear this time.

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