The Concert Coming To Your School In The Fall	The Drug Your Concert Committee Chair Was On When He Picked It
Daft Punk	Ecstasy
Whitesnake	Cocaine
Mötley Crüe	Higher Quality Cocaine
That guy in your bio class who can sync up Dark Side Of The Moon and The Wizard of Oz together really well	Marijuana
The Grateful Dead	LSD
I don't give a shit that Jerry Garcia's dead, just get The Grateful Dead over here right now	LSD, Steroids
Spanish 204 Audio Study Cassette 3.7: Conjugation of Irregular Verbs In The Past Tense	Adderall
Third Eye Blind	Nostalgia
The Shins	Garden State
Stone Temple Pilots	Heroin
Memorial service for concert committee chair in the quad	A Little Too Much Heroin

Ethan: Am I the only person who thinks this Favre standoff is about enter a deadly end game that involves him walking around with a high-powered rifle, smiling his fake "Aw, shucks" grin while picking off random members of the Packers' front office while John Madden gushes about his enthusiasm?

Amir: Every day brings a completely new twist. And on days that there are no twists, that's the twist. BREAKING NEWS: RELATIVELY QUIET DAY AT PACKER CAMP.

Ethan: Did he think he was being particularly clever by showing up and conceding the starting job to Rodgers? "Yeah, I'll be the backup. You don't have to release me or anything. Now, about that $12 million..."

Amir: Favre lives in some sort of bizarro world where work is inversely proportional to money. If he stays retired, he'll get $25M. If he plays as a back up he'll get $12M. And his ideal situation is starting somewhere and getting paid less than that. It's like welfare on steroids.

Ethan: I thought welfare on steroids was Sammy Sosa's contract by the end of his career. I'm warming on the idea of Favre to the Jets. They're really just one Hall of Famer away from being 7-9!

Amir: Bring back Curtis Martin!

Ethan: What exactly is Favre even thinking at this point? Does he want to play with Jerricho Cotchery that badly? Or does Favre have him in a keeper league he really, really wants to win this year? Or will he just follow Bubba Franks anywhere?

Amir: I think he just wants to get injured. He's done everything but tear an ACL. Why does Daunte Culpepper get all the fun?!

Ethan: If this results in Favre getting his roll on, it will all have been worth it. Does Tampa Bay win the Super Bowl with him?

Dear MacBook Hard Drive That Crashed Three Hours Before My Ten Page Paper Was Due,

Welcome to the third installment of Photo Hunt. You know the drill, spot the differences between the two pictures. The answers are below the second image, so make sure to really study the pictures and write down your answers before you scroll all the way down.

We've had some pretty sick nasty office pranks around the CollegeHumor offices over the years, so we thought we'd share a select few gems from the archives. If you feel like you can upstage us, well go to hell, then send yours to MyOfficePranks@GMail.com.

When one of the developers, Amir, went to lunch we took a label maker and labeled everything on his desk - his pencils, his keyboard buttons, his mouse.  We also labeled every piece of paper in his printer as "Paper". We also coverered Streeter's entire desk area in little cups of water when he was out of the office. That'll teach people to leave.
Sarah and Team, Editorial


On my birthday a bunch of people duct taped me to my chair, put me in the elevator and sent me down to the lobby.
Nick, Development

I took this bartending class with two people from work (who live together) and we were supposed to get our certificates 2 weeks after the final if we passed. I got mine a day early so I decided to scan the acceptance letter into Photoshop and change it to a rejection letter, then, with the help of his roommate supplying me with a mailbox key, went to his apartment, opened the manilla envelope on the bottom, took out the replaced the certificate with the rejection letter then used double sided tape to seal it back up.
Rosie, Editorial

Henry David Thoreau:

#10
Song: "Trust", by Prince
Reason: Parade float scene, Batman (1989)
Not that I listened to this song all that much to begin with, but it still applies to the list. Tim Burton's Batman is a classic, but watching it after the recent wave of new age superhero movies makes you realize how completely ridiculous some of its scenes truly were. Heath may be always remembered as the creepiest Joker, but Jack is no doubt the silliest. The parade scene is by far the funniest part of the movie, and after seeing it a million times it's gotten to the point where if I even hear the interlude to Prince's "Trust" I'll picture that ridiculous clown balloon peeking around the street corner and immediately burst out laughing.

#9
Song: "Bad Day", by Daniel Powter
Reason: RIP Keith Ledger Youtube Video
I still don't know the source of this internet-wide joke, but purposefully calling Heath Ledger "Keith Ledger" for the purpose of sending die hard fans into an anger frenzy doesn't seem like it will ever not be funny. Reading the mile-long list of angry Youtube comments over this video is even funnier with the 'sincere' background music playing, and now the piano interlude alone is enough to send me into a laughing fit.

#8
Song: "O, Fortuna", by Carl Orff
Reason: Jackass: The Movie (2002)
I'm sure that if German composer Carl Orff knew his orchestral masterpiece (which was inspired by the deep, moving poetry of the 13th century) made people not think of the struggle of mankind, but rather Chris Pontius in a banana hammock, he could've died a happier man. The worst part is that this song and the opening/closing sequence match up so perfectly its almost like they were meant for each other. Someone needs to give that editor a medal.

 Boy: Wow, I can't believe summer is almost over.  It went by so fast.

Girl: I know, as much as I like to complain about my hometown, I'll miss living in a house with a fully-functional toilet and eating non-diarrhea causing food.

Boy: Totally.  It will be so refreshing to get back to my annoying college friends and not hang out in your parent's basement everyday.  But seriously, even though we go to different schools and are 7 hours apart, I really think we can keep this relationship going for the first two weeks of college.

Girl: I totally agree.  Spending time with you this summer has been soooooo convenient, and I just know that after I sleep with that cute guy from my history class that our relationship will be reduced to awkward instant messenger conversations.

Boy: But we'll say that we'll keep in touch right?

Girl: Absolutely.  I promise to call every weekend, tanked out of my mind, and leave sobbing voice messages saying how we should get back together.  You have my word.

Boy: That's why I loved you for no more than three months baby.  I am already looking forward to coming to your school in October and drunkenly making a lot of mistakes that I will deeply regret.  I won't even care that you somehow gained 15 pounds in a matter of weeks.  That's how desperate I'll be.

Girl: I am already looking forward to Thanksgiving break, where you'll completely ignore me at the party that we both show up at.  I promise that I'll totally fly off the handle when I see you making out with my soon-to-be ex-best friend Tiffany.

Boy: I can tell that we are starting a rift that will separate us for the rest of our lives.

Girl: Oh, I don't even want to talk about it anymore; hold me for the next two weeks.

Ypres, Belgium - November 15, 1914

The Battle of Ypres rages as two German soldiers keep watch over the British trenches.  

German Soldier 1:  My God, who would have thought soldiers would be reduced to this?  Sitting in trenches, firing these machined guns at each other.  There is little honor to be had here.  

German Soldier 2:  Yes, yes.  But one must never forget we serve a higher purpose than ourselves: the great German fatherland.  If I die for Germany, I die with honor.

German Soldier 1:  Indeed, but if I must die for Germany, let it be by the blade, not some unseen bullet or bomb.

German Soldier 2:  We are fighting a different war than in times past, my friend.  A modern war.  World War I will be looked on as a turning point for military technology and deployment.  

German Soldier 1:  I cou...Now wait a minute, what did you call this war?

German Soldier 2:  ...What did I say?

German Soldier 1: I believe you called this "World War I."

German Soldier 2: Did I?  I meant to say 'The Great War,' of course.

German Soldier 1: Ah, yes.  I thought you a fortune-telling gypsy for a second!

German Soldier 2: If you were not my closest friend, I would have your ear for such a comment! 

German Soldier 1: Merely a joke, friend. World War I?  Ha!  As if anyone knows the future! Besides, this is the war to end all wars.  The Great War! 

German Soldier 2: The Greatest of Wars, so far!

German Soldier 1: Agr...Again, 'so far'?  Have you some plan, my friend? 

German Soldier 2: A plan?  Ha!  What use is planning in uncertain times? If I live through World War I, I will most likely return to my passion: pai...

German Soldier 1: There!  You did it again!  You called it...

A Lieutenant approaches the soldiers' position.  

Lieutenant: Private Hitler, grab your weapon and report to command.  

German Soldier 2:  Well, it appears as if I'm needed.  

German Soldier 1:  Godspeed, friend.  Do Germany proud!

German Soldier 2:  My friend, I would never do anything to shame the Fatherland!  To arms!

I know this sounds cliche, but college really is a new beginning, a clean slate to start fresh despite your not so desirable high school past. This rings especially true if you were a loser in high school. Not sure if you were a loser? Do any of these apply to you: In Band (not to be confused with in a band, totally different), choir, drama, math team, computer club, astronomy club, any club that required you to collect and store bugs in your room, or male badminton? If so, I've got the perfect news for you - you're going to college, so now is the time to make up an entirely new personality. Here are some possible personas that you should seriously consider adopting.

Tough Guy - Were you a dweeb in high school who was constantly pushed around? Well here's the one for you. The key to this one is that anyone can be tough, no matter what size you are. Actually in some cases, the smaller the better. This is a nice one if you're a little guy and are sick of getting picked on. Go to your first party, walk in, find the biggest douche there and punch him square in the face. Now don't get scared, but the next thing you do will hurt tremendously, but it'll be worth it and hurt a lot less than him gouging your eyes out. Take a lit cigarette from someone standing near you and put it out on your arm, while staring in the guy's face, without flinching. Once your done everyone will cheer uncontrollably and the head cheerleader will give you a blowjob in front of everyone. I swear.