The Average Student Scholarship

We're excited to announce that we have picked the two most average students of them all. These two normal-achievers will each receive $5,000 to apply toward their tuition for all their kind-of work. Thank you to all of our applicants but we're sorry to say, you were all just a little too successful, accomplished and/or notable.

David Timothy Cole

Everything about David Timothy Cole screams average. Just look at the name. It's as if his parents named him for the sole purpose of this contest. He rocks the all-too-common rebellious long hair and patchy beard and in classic late-night diner dare fashion, consumes a concoction of spices for a measly five dollars. The worst part: he's completely sober because he's either too young or too cheap to buy booze. His GPA of 2.083 barely hovers over the disgraceful 1.9, and one more misstep would send him tumbling down a cliff that'd be hard to climb out of. If only he knew how to rock climb, but alas, David never made it to a meeting. How could we not choose someone who exemplifies the monotony of college so well?Check Out His Application

Jordan Bass

Like her fishy surname suggests, Jordan flounders a tenth of a point below the minimum required GPA for most normal scholarships, earning a proud and deserving 2.9. With over 50,000 undergraduates attending University of Central Florida, it's easy to get lost in the shuffle. And it doesn't help that she's chosen one of the most popular majors among women, Marketing. In her sad and slightly disturbing video entry, Jordan munches on a brick of uncooked Ramen like that's something normal people actually do. Jordan won our adoration out of pure laziness (or a lack of hot water) and we commend her accordingly.Check Out Her Application

Runners Up

Jessica Lowe

Have you ever felt the sting of being so average that you were left out of the yearbook? Jessica has. Awarded trophies? Only if you count participation! But hey, at least you participated. That takes effort. And we don't reward effort. Here's to hoping Jessica can finally figure out a method to eat and sleep simultaneously.Check Out Her Application

Jose A. Lopez-Vera

Jose lives in an off-campus studio apartment with barely any furniture except for a bed and folding metal chairs. But at least he gets to live in Detroit, right? Much like the once thriving industrial city, Jose has the potential to be something great. And even though his ex-girlfriend may have cheated on him, he was born in Spain, which definitely makes Jose extraordinary and exotic in our book.Check Out His Application

Phillip Kim

Being second runner-up in a contest that rewards your averageness can be considered either insulting or complimentary. Unfortunately for Phillip, playing Tetris daily probably means he's pretty exceptional at the game by now and an above-average gamer just has too much going for him.Check Out His Application

Chelsea Zabel

Though Chelsea seems to have a pretty average life, attending the prestigious University of Michigan took her out of the running. That's a school parents are proud to have their kid go to. Don't get us wrong, we're still impressed by the picture of her dorm room lamp, but we suspect her GPA is much higher than that golden 2.0-2.9 range we were looking for.Check Out Her Application