Roll over each image to see the text and picture go from spring delight to SPRING DOLDRUMS.

For a few blissful years, "sex" is nothing but something to laugh at whenever an adult doesn't say "gender" instead. Fast forward a couple of years and it defines everything about you. It's terrible. Suddenly, you can no longer fight with someone of the opposite sex, or invite them over to your house to play, because you feel weird about it for some reason. Yeah, having sex is great, but that only happens sometimes. Sex is like taking a pill that makes you more stupid, more nervous, and less able in just about every situation. Getting it on is just a side effect.

Most of the time, childhood is nothing but a no-holds-barred quest to obtain as many things as possible that are as bad for you as possible. That impulse never really leaves a human, which makes being healthy the goddamn worst. Burgers and coke will cut years off your life, years you could be spending steaming vegetables, realising vegetables vary wildly in the time it takes to steam them, and re-steaming vegetables. Don't want to miss that. Working out can be kind of fun, I guess, if you do it right. The trick is to lock yourself in the bathroom for an hour and play Tetris on your phone.