Hold on to your bricks, because you may just shit them when you see these.View the Gallery ▶
Please, don't bring sexy back.View the Gallery ▶
Missing out on all of the cool, fun, Halloween parties back at school while you are stuck living with your parents? Your first non-collegiate Halloween in four (five, or six) years doesn't have to be a somber occasion! Come! Follow me on a tour of your hometown that will reveal the unsettling aspects of the locations you once thought familiar!
1. The Convenience Store that Doesn't Card
Acceptably shady by day, the convenience store that doesn't card transforms into a fiendish feeding ground for the undead once moonlight strikes the Milwaukee's Best Ice poster in its front window. Drawn by cars full of Four Loko-seeking high school students, the crackhead hoard will fill the parking lot, clawing at car windows and demanding ever decreasing amounts of money from the terrified teens until the first rays of dawn appear (or until they get five dollars). On full moon nights, bad amateur rappers will emerge from the underground in order to sell particularly ghoulish mix tapes. The price? Your mortal soul!
Or five dollars...
What He Should Cover
"Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson
Why It Makes Sense
Justin and Michael are two peas in a pod! Both are former child stars, both have spent much of their lives trying to transition to a different race, and both sexualize children. Also, since the Biebs has already had the first of what I'm sure will be many paternity suits, "Billie Jean" is the perfect fit.
What She Should Cover
"The Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson
Why It Makes Sense
While the two artists seem like they're from two different worlds, they're secretly the same person. They're both artists who look like demons and who combine terrible rapping, terrible singing, and random screams. Seriously, the only thing separating the two is Manson shoving a large pillow down his pants.