There he goes again, off to get a Diet Snapple Lemon Iced Tea after ordering his sandwich. He must really like this deli, that guy. He's here every other day getting the same sandwich: roast beef, swiss cheese, lettuce, mayo, salt and pepper. Sounds pretty tasty. But hold up, Miguel, what about the tomato? I wouldn't want to forget to put the tomato on. Did he say anything about tomato… Yes! Yes he did. He said, "And please, Miguel, no tomato on the sandwich."

No, that's not a coat rack. There is a human being under all that fabric. This guy doesn't love the beach. He thinks the beach is a relaxing place to read if it's not too crowded. You can usually find him on top of a towel and underneath an umbrella, that is, if you don't mistake him for a pile of dirty laundry. He's basically a lump that gets in the way of your football game. You don't want him there. He doesn't even want himself there. No one has even seen The Overdresser's skin, but rumor has it that it's brighter than the sun.

He's always ready to ride some waves. Except he doesn't own a surfboard. And he doesn't know how to surf. Expect him to spend the duration of his beach adventure paddling really hard with a wave, being carried about six feet towards the beach, walking back out to where the waves are breaking, and doing it again. He's in his own world where he truly believes that he's Kelly Slater and everyone is impressed by what he's doing.

In "Twidiots", we collect the choicest thoughts on a particular topic from Twitter's millions of users.

Not every high school student embraces F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby as a classic, but with the release of Baz Luhrman's film adaptation this Friday… who cares? Who needs literature when you've got bomb-ass 3-D? Right, Tweeps?

Listen up, fellow humans of Mesopotamia (or as we call ourselves, the "Cool Animals").

This new "Music" thing has been a massive success for the past two years. Frankly, when An-Bakoul-Rakhaazah first pitched the idea at HumanCon, I was skeptical; I mean, "notes" and "tones" and "not just saying words but saying them in this dumb specific way"? It sounded ridiculous. His sand presentation was a mess! Even the friggin' God of Grain was rolling his ten eyes (his head is five crows).

But who knew! Music is a hit after all. SUCH a hit, in fact, that I come before you all today to pitch a new idea for a companion activity to Music. I call it: "Moving F*cking Randomly".