Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
For some reason, most funeral homes have no sense of humor.
She won't let me, that's why I'm buying the liquor.
I'm looking for a 2-bedroom house in a neighborhood with a good school, and also I noticed there's no more 40-Year-Old Virgins on the rack. Are there any behind the counter you guys haven't had a chance to put up yet?
Track isn't a full contact sport, but maybe they should require jock straps anyway.
Would you like to Stopper Size that combo?
Twenty five dollars and an hour at Wal-Mart and you can have a homemade vaporizer too!
Excuse me miss, in what aisle might I find the bananas?
It's great that In-N-Out prints bible verses on their cups, but sees nothing wrong with letting people order 20x20s.
Wait a second, cats can't ride bikes! (then he falls down)
Philbert: Great, now what are we supposed to do. Walter: You guys want to play Warcraft? Everyone: Okay!
He looks worried this picture is going to end up on the Internet.
You really want to control the rate of return, put another finger into reducing assets.
Something is fishy - who goes to the library at 2:18 am?
"My friend sent me a text saying how much she hated Verizon. I got the message 15 hours later."
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We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.