Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
"He kneeled down to puke in the box and then passed out face first on top of it."
I ain't stimulating my wife's clitoris with no mamby-pamby surrender-monkey sex toy.
Either she passed out on the beach or she's been wading in purple ink.
"My 7-year-old brother fell asleep quickly after consuming a monsterous amount of turkey; so my cousins thought it would be fun to pile his dinosaur toys on top of him."
"My friends and I decided to remake the board game Clue."
He picked her up with a, "Hey Momma, wanna have a burger with a real man?"
We don't need the back of our truck or our teeth thank you very much.
I don't care if it's not even a real turkey, I'm ready to eat now.
Last weekend I got thought-spray-painting-a-vagina onto-my-back-was-a-good-idea drunk
I'm looking for a housewife - will she act right?
Stentorian means very loud or powerful in sound. Flatulence meats fart.
This is actually the interior of an Irish church.
You can also use an iron as a quick and easy way to sear someone's flesh.
Thank you for the warning.
If you can find a store that beats our prices, we'll be very very surprised!
No harm shall come to thee, Bug.
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We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.