Guest who’s back? Back again?
Britney’s back! Tell your friends (or drug dealers)!
Guess who’s back, Guess who’s back, Guess who’s back…

Yep, our favorite former-hottie lipsynced her way through her old dance moves at a couple House Of Blues clubs in California this week. Fans were pissed because the sets were only fifteen minutes and Brit Brit not only didn’t sing, but chewed gum through the show! At least she managed to keep her ten dollar wig on. [Source: WWTDD, Hollywood Tuna]

Britney could take a dump onstage for all I care, as long as pictures of her posing topless in her friend’s yard while covering her nips with flowers keep circulating on the internet. [Source/photo: Egotastic]

Not totally bonerlicious, but maybe a little chubtastic? Or…just nasty.

The creepiest thing about this clip of David Hasselhoff rolling around on the floor completely shitfaced is:

a. His kid's voice telling him what to do (while filming).
b. The powdered pastries he's shoving into his mouth.
c. His bare, vodka-covered chest.
d. That he looks like a shit-ton of fun! Pass the funnel, Hoff!

[source: CelebSlam, WWTDD]

Now is the time to get arrested, guys, because you may wind up in a cell next to Paris. Or better yet, you could become her bitch. The LA City Attorney is gunning for her bony ass, and is requesting that the HoHeiress spend forty-five days in jail for driving on a suspended license. Paris in an orange jumpsuit? That's hot. [Source/photo: NinjaDude, IDLYITW]

It's a bad week for people successfully doing coke without getting caught. Andy Dick got nabbed in the act, and Kate Moss was photographed covered in a mysterious white powdery-substance. Maybe she and David Hasselhoff eat the same pastries. [Source: DListed, NinjaDude]

The only cokehead who CAN party in public without getting caught is our favorite rehab reject, Queen B Lindsay Lohan. The B stands for BRA, which was what Lindsay partied in very publicly into the early morning at a Coachella after party. Every time she flashes that freckled stomach, my eyes get chlamydia. It burns – and itches! [Source/photo: Egotastic, MollyGood]

Lastly, I'd like to end on a personal note to Kate Bosworth:

Dear Kate,

Please only flash us your nipples if you have tits. [Source/photo: HollywoodTuna]

A much fatter but happier un-anorexic Kate

PS: Eat something.