The "I'm a Great Daughter" list really helped open up the communication between my mother and I; it showed her that I was listening and appreciating her reactions to instances that I thought were hilarious. So, I made my girlfriend make me a list of things I do/have done that she doesn't like.

The Girlfriend does NOT like…

  • When I throw a blanket over her head, spin her in circles and yell "PIN THE TAIL! PIN THE TAIL!"
  • My staging of elaborate wedding proposals while we're at dinner with my parents/ in front of her friends/ when she's in class.
  • Making her make lists just to make fun of them.
  • When I narrate her every move like she's the subject of a discovery channel special.
  • When I jiggle parts of her body "just for the reverb."
  • When I tell her she's got a nice ass…for a straight girl.
  • When I tell her she's really sweet…for a straight girl.
  • When I tell her she makes good style choices…for a straight girl.
  • When I convince strangers she's participating in the "Adopt-A-Dyke!" outreach program.
  • The following nicknames: Satan; Burden; Walking-Cunnilingus; Nag-asaurus Rex; Fiancee; Shingles.