Hey boys. Resident girl, here. Ever go out with your girlfriend's friends and have no idea what they are talking about? Ever think that maybe, just maybe, if you knew Nick Lachey's girlfriend's name you'd be boning tonight instead of playing Mario Kart on two computer screens? Well have I got the update for you. Every week, I'll be posting a quick recap of the week's biggest gossip stories. I know you don't really care, but just think how impressed your girlfriend will be when you make a topical Mel Gibson joke. Anti-Semitism never felt so good.

This week's gossip:

Things in Hollywood are all sorts of fucked up this week. The top story of the week is the tragic death of Trimspa spokeswoman Anna Nicole's son, Daniel. Sad? Very. A bit creepy? Oh yes. Numerous sites report that Daniel's death was "'suspicious' and "'not natural.' He died sitting in a chair in a hospital room, where he was visiting his mother, who had given birth to his sister three days earlier. Also, his mother and an "'unidentified male' were both in the room with him for a while before they "'noticed he was unresponsive.' Is it just me, or does this sound like one of those parties where the lights go off for ten seconds and someone winds up dead? (source: People)

Moving on. Here are some gross and awkward things we saw this week.

  • Lindsay Lohan's vag (the real one this time). (source: Egotastic)
  • Kate Bosworth's digestive system (source: Egotastic)
  • Paris Hilton making out with Blink 182's Travis Barker. (source: TMZ)
  • Beyonce riding the subway to promote her new album (you know, because she still makes time to "'socialize' with the "'common folk'). (Source: Popsugar)
  • Also in the news this week, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are reportedly hooking up. Apparently they met on the set of You, Me and Dupree? Which brings the total of good things about that movie to a whopping one. Zing! (source: Popsugar)

    Kirsten Dunst told the press this week that she likes to have sex in public places. Yeah. (source: Egotastic)

    Quote of the week: "I was actually thinking of being buried [in a glass case] under my Hollywood star, looking up so people could look down and watch me decompose."-David Hasselhoff, who else. (source: SocialiteLife)

    Sadly, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown have decided to get a divorce. In other words, Whitney decided she wanted a divorce and beat the shit out of Bobby Brown until he gave in. (source: Access Hollywood)

    TOTALLY RANDOM Couple of the Week: Minnie Driver and Criss Angel. Yup, the square-faced chick from Good Will Hunting and "MIIIIIIIIIINDFREEEEEEAK" are totally doing it. Sick. (source: PerezHilton)

    Last but not least, everyone congratulate our favorite used-to-be-hot pop star Britney Spears on the birth of her second son, born two days before the 1st birthday of Britney's first son, Sean Preston. Congratulations, Britney! Try not to get pregnant again within three months this time, will ya? (source: People)

    PS If you want to laugh your ass off, go check out the redesign of Britney's website at BritneySpears.com. (source: Hell)